{Life Is Good}

My New Home

2009-09-19T07:44:00.001-07:00

I had originally planned on blogging my most intimate thoughts here and posting about our farm, homeschooling, and everyday life at our new website. But after lots of prayer I have realized that "hiding" my most intimate thoughts here is not sharing my story like I have been called to do. So in the future I will be only blogging at our new site. Feel free to visit us there.

be Fresh be Simple

Circle of Life

2009-08-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Our church is doing an amazing study on how your life would change if you only had 30 days to live. I believe that we all have moments when we feel more connected to the reality of our death, but most of the time we are just living life (eating, pooping, sleeping, driving, working, talking on the phone, searching the web, watching tv, planning our next day).

My mother and I were very blessed through the pain of her illness and healing of our mutual survival. She has been given 6 months to live so many times that when we speak those words we do it with a chuckle. But the truth is that when you hear a doctor tell you that you may die, will probably die, in the next 6 months you begin to evaluate your life. Praise God that I was given this wake up call early in my life because it gave me a realistic view, Godly view is a better description, of my time here on earth. I have always viewed my time here as very short, like a vacation to a wonderful place, but not like home. And that realistic understanding of our time on earth can only come through the holy spirit as a gift from God.

As a young child we believed the doctors, always question what you believe to be true, and we were always evaluating our circumstances and discussing what we would do if mom died. I learned to dial 911 early in life in case I found my mother not breathing. If mom started to appear like she was having a brain bleed I had specific things to do to take care of her. There was talk about where I would go if she was in the hospital, went into rehabilitation or died. I remember at the age of 6 my grandparents came out to California, stayed a week, gave me all of these instructions and then went back home. Truth is that there were days that I prayed God would let me go to heaven with my mom or that he would go ahead and take her so I could find a permanent home here on earth.

Between the ages of 10 and 20 my mom refused to go to the doctors. She just believed that she would live and I believed that too. Talk about a faith that works! She decided that she was going to focus our lives on God and that we both had specific work that needed to be done for him. She would tell others her story and they would say the same. There were days that I just wanted to live like everyone else around us, just be. But most of the time God would intervene and remind me that we are not here just to live, we are here to save. And because I have to be reminded of this often and in substantial ways, I faced my own doctors and talks of death when I was pregnant with Carter. How odd it is that I grew up praying I would not have the same illness as my mother and was always reassured it was not genetic. And later found out that it was genetic, that I had it and that the doctors did not know what to do. Of course, God heals and new studies proved that a baby aspirin can and does save. How amazing that when the fears of my childhood became reality God filled me with an overwhelming peace so powerful that it saved my husband.

I was reminded of all of this today on a visit to the butterfly house. There was a butterfly caught in a spiders web. Carter asked if we could save it, take it out of the web. But as I looked at the butterfly and noticed his legs were broken I knew that taking it out of the web would not respect the circle of life. What an awesome visual to teach how fragile life is and how the circle of life, created by God, is beautiful. We talked about it again this morning. How God created that butterfly for many things. Our enjoyment in watching those beautiful creatures emerge from a caterpillar is an important part of their life. But feeding spiders is another very meaningful part of their life and, of course, death. I share this with my children because I do not want them to fear death. For if they fear death they will not live. If they do not live, they can not save.

The Ritual

2009-08-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that I wish I had done before I was married and had children it would be learning to cook, sew and knit. How easy it would have been to learn to do these things before I had to do these things. Okay, I do have to cook, but maybe I don't have to sew or knit. Well there are times that knowing how to sew on a button would be handy, but maybe not necessary. But there are days that I would really like to know how to knit. And not just scarfs but other things like baby hats, blankets or a really cute sweater...

Thankfully I can learn and it will just take me a little longer. Since I rarely watch TV I plan on using Nathan's tube time to learn to knit. And because God is so good our church has started a knitting group and I was invited. Okay, everyone was invited, but I can not tell you how excited I am to be learning aside knowledgeable knitters!

We have had our first meeting and I just have to share our first lesson.

The Ritual

At the end of each row you perform your ritual. You go back over every loop and make sure they are properly aligned. That you didn't get lazy at the beginning, middle or end. That they are all the same size. That the yarn is in tact and not frazzled. You basically make sure that what you just spent your time doing was spent well.

Is that a great metaphor for life? I am going to love this knitting.

A Rambling about God and his Existence

2009-08-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

I know that there are a lot of really amazing people who are strong in their faith, but still question whether God exists. It is a part of the process for them, a meaningful and necessary part. But I sit here praising God that I have never had to do that myself. Since I was a very young girl I have known that god exists. He has revealed himself to me in very substantial ways. He spoke, drew me near, comforted me. So questioning the existence of our maker or wondering if HE could really be logical was not my starting point in my faith.

I remember back to a point in my very young childhood when I heard some adults discussing if there really is a God out in the cosmic somewhere. And at that point I realized that God did in fact exist. And here was the theological mind of a six year old. God had done some pretty amazing things in my little mind. Some amazingly good things that could not have come from me. And how did I know that they didn't come from me? Because I knew me. I knew the terrible, scary thoughts that were also in my mind. And it just couldn't be possible that the same mind that could think those terrible thoughts could also be filled with the love and blessings I had thought.

As an adult God still proves himself to me. Not very long ago I prayed that God would speak to me when some dear friends started their labor. I wanted to pray diligently for them and did not want to bother them with calling me. At 2 in the morning God woke me up from a deep sleep with a racing heart and an ache in my abdomen. And I knew to pray.

That is God.

The End.

Does Satan lie to you too?

2009-08-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

I believe that God wants me to draw close to him and the best way to do this is through his word. I feel closest to our Lord when I am reading his word. He reveals himself to me in ways I never thought imaginable.

Have you ever been in a routine of reading your bible and God reveals his perfect will in a very significant way?

Did you ask yourself why you aren't always reading your bible every day?

Did you commit to faithfully reading your bible from that point forward?

Did you stop reading your bible the next day?

So why do we step away from the very word of God when we know it is the single most important step in our relationship with him?

SATAN

I believe in Satan as much as I believe in God, because the bible says he exists. If he lied to Jesus Christ, then I better believe he lies to me, and he most certainly will lie to our children. And because Satan wants me to believe his lies he will do his best to keep me from reading, knowing and believing God's words.

Here are a few of the lies Satan has recently told me about reading Gods word:

~My big bible is too big, heavy and bulky to carry around.

~My little bible is hard to read and the pages will tear too easily.

~Being a mom is a good excuse to get out of reading the bible.

~Daily devotionals are just as good as reading the real thing.

~The King James version is too boring and hard to read.

~The NIV is too watered down and has lost the true meaning of Gods words.

~I must be a theologian to read and understand the bible.

~When I get a few minutes of quiet time I can just use it in prayer and God will reveal himself to me (reference my point about being a mom)

~If I can not read an entire chapter then I might as well wait until I can.

~As long as I go to church, go to small group, et cetera et cetera then I will get what I need.

~I will read it when the kids are older, the chores are done, I have spent quality time with my husband, God reveals what he wants me to read, I retire................get the point?

The truth is that God did meet me where I was and my faith was strengthened even when I did not read his word. But Satan knew that the place where God reveals his WILL, STRENGTH, and GUIDANCE so that I may live for him only comes through time spent in his word. Praise God that the truth does set you free!

The photo is one of our weekly watermelon tastings after picking for the farmers market. Carter thought the cross was so cool and that God put it in there just for us. Just wanted to share! Sorry I can't share the watermelon via the web.

The Boys Shoes

2009-08-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up we went from moments of plenty to moments of great need. Looking back I never viewed myself as needy or "at need" as we call it today. When there was something we needed my mother would pray and we would get it. And I mean this as seriously as I possibly can. She would pray and the door bell would ring and there would be clothes, food or a ride to church (I will admit that there were times that she would pray and we would not receive-like the time she handmade me a cabbage patch doll that the other kids made fun of-we prayed-but God didn't send us a cabbage patch doll).

As we are raising our children to be good stewards of God's money and stuff, I am reminded of the impact my mothers prayer and Gods answers shaped my mind and heart.

It is just something that changes you forever, for the better.

Nathan and I have made a conscious choice to live a slower, simpler life. And with that we find ourselves living on a fairly tight budget. All of our basic needs are met very well, but we have to be careful with extra purchases. I've written about how we do this before, but today I want to share how this choice is already blessing my dear sons heart.

There are two times of year that you can expect my home to look like it has been picked up and shaken. Our semi-annual Lil' Angels Attic sale moves me to start thinking about what clothes my kids will need for the upcoming season. They are all still in that growing at a rapid pace stage and require new clothes each new season. And what things we no longer need. This is the first year that Carter has recognized that stuff costs money. So he has been asking a lot of questions about how we will buy new clothes. Let me start by admitting that there was a fleeting moment when I wondered if I should allow my precious little boy to ponder for a minute over our clothing. But the truth is that not only would God work wonders in my life, but also in his.

As God always does he has challenged Nathan and I to become even better stewards of his money. And I must admit that every time God does this I think we have been stretched to the limit and met our breaking point. But once again he reminds me that we are being shaped for eternity.

Our living with less challenge to limit purchases as much as possible (and focus on trades and thrifting) has really challenged my thinking when it comes to my childrens clothing. I had decided that I would sell their gently used items and re-invest that money to purchase more gently used clothing. I still may do this, but God has shown me that his way is always more amazing!

Carter and I have been going to Goodwill every other week and have found some amazing clothing that he loves. We have also met some wonderful people that God placed in our path.

Neighbors sent us clothing that we were both thrilled to get (lets just say that it is much nicer than I would have purchased myself).

As I surfed ebay and Craigslist for used tennis shoes our door bell rang and it was our neighbor with a bag of tennis shoes he had outgrown! Praise God, isn't he amazing?

So this morning Carter and I went through his wardrobe and talked about how amazing God is for providing us with such nice stuff. And we both decided that there were two things that would be great to have. A pair of blue crocs and a pair of brown dress shoes. On a post it note I wrote those two items down and put it on the computer so we could search later.

On the way to the store today I stopped by Goodwill by myself. I found a few very nice shirts for the girls (that I will be upcycling later-photos to come). And before I went to check out I decided to check out the shoes. On the floor was a pair of very nice blue crocs and I was instantly filled with the holy spirit! And I knew that there was a pair of brown dress shoes for us too. I went to the back of the store and there they were. A pair of brand new Gymboree shoes in size 13 waiting for Carters precious little feet.

When I showed them to Carter he took them and went out on the porch by himself. He sat in his blue chair for a long time wearing, touching and looking at his shoes. The truth is that these shoes fit his heart just as well as his feet.

~I took this photo through the front glass so not to disturb his moment with the Lord.

Living Light~With Less

2009-07-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I haven't documented this here yet, but wanted to share our latest journey. We have come a long way since I wrote this post for the local BG Green blog. And while we still have a long way to go, we at least feel as if we are on the right path.

We are in the beginning of making the transition towards living lighter through buying less. What that looks like for us may be different from what it looks like for you, but we feel like it is a necessary change. The Compact was one of the original groups to actually challenge lasting change. Here is a quote from their site.

1) TO GO BEYOND RECYCLING IN TRYING TO COUNTERACT THE NEGATIVE GLOBAL ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIOECONOMIC IMPACTS OF U.S. CONSUMER CULTURE, TO RESIST GLOBAL CORPORATISM, AND TO SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES, FARMS, ETC; 2) TO REDUCE CLUTTER AND WASTE IN OUR HOMES (AS IN TRASH COMPACT-ER); 3) TO SIMPLIFY OUR LIVES (AS IN CALM-PACT)

What started as thriftiness has evolved into stewardship.

STUFF

After reading this book I began to question where my stuff came from, who made it, why I bought it and if I really needed it to begin with.

The first step for me has been to bypass Target and head over to local or handmade vendors like you may find at SKY Farmers Market, ETSY, and the Kentucky Guild.

The library is a great way to borrow things and then give them back.

FOOD

Re-thinking our food is another way to live lighter (possibly literally). Not only is a large amount of the food we purchase wasted and even thrown in the trash but it is often covered in tons of paper and plastic. Then we wrap it in more paper and plastic to take it home.

Buy Local-when you purchase food directly from local farmers and producers you most often take home just food without the trash. Or they will most likely be packaged in recycled materials.

Buy Fresh-The more processed a food item is the more waste goes into producing and packaging that item.

Upcycle-You can do this yourself by creating something new from your trash (the kids and I are working on a large play house made from recycled items) or visit Terracycle for ways others can re-use your trash.

Re-usable Bags-you can get these everywhere now and they make a huge difference.

THRIFTING

Clothing-Repets Thrift and Lil' Angels Attic are a few of my favorites because their mission is bigger than just offering STUFF.

Gifts-See if you can find others to trade with you (it may be easier than you think), learn a craft and make something rather than buying something new.

Cloth Diapers-There are so many reasons to use cloth diapers. Besides the multitude of envionmental reasons you can also trade or sell your diapers for other things.

GIVE

There is so much stuff out there that we are hoping to trade or give away.

As you begin to evaluate your stuff you realize how much you have and how much others need. You begin to realize what is really important in life: family, friends, our world. Here are some great organizations to give your stuff to.

Bowling Green Refugee Center

Repets Thrift

Newborns in Need

Please leave a comment with your links and tips to living lighter.

Living Light~Health

2009-07-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been inspired to write this post before, and then didn't. I've also written something related to this before, while some of it was right, most of it was wrong.

The truth is that I am over-weight and haven't been happy with my appearance for a while. So here I am. My arms are bigger than I'd like in a sleeveless top. And yes, I look about 4 months pregnant.

At first I convinced myself that if I ate a healthy diet that I would be larger than average. Part of that is true because I have a larger frame and tend to be muscular. But the reality is that there is a lot of, well fat, on top of that larger frame and muscles.

Then I hid behind my pregnancies, and then breastfeeding, and then having three kids. I could go on, but won't. Sound famililar?

Then I lost a little weight living on a bird's diet. I looked better, felt terrible and spent too much money on new clothes. Then I gained it all back.

This is something I have just realized through lots of prayer...I hid behind my art. As a freelance floral designer I was able to hide behind my talent. I was interesting to people even with my extra weight so I ignored the fact that my weight was inching up-and out.

So I am not sure why I am at this place in my life. Maybe it's because I want to lose it for my kiddos and doing something good for those you love is easier than doing it for yourself. Maybe it's because I can't hide behind my floral work anymore. Maybe it's because I can't fit into my pants.

I've prayed the same prayer for years, but I finally gave him the control and he showed me exactly what he wanted me to do. I didn't like it at first, but finally came around. Sound familiar?

Whatever the reason-here I am. And bigger than I want to be.

For the last month I have come to a couple of conclusions. The first is that I cannot eat carbs (white flour and sugar in particular) because my body just can't process them. I also have a hard time processing meat and milk too. So for close to 5 weeks I have not had any of those things. And I feel great. My digestion is regular for the first time in my life, too much information I know, but it makes me happy!

You may be wondering what in the world I am eating if I have cut out pretty much everything on my previous diet. Actually, I am eating plenty and really well.

My diet includes:

a green smoothie every morning

salads

farm fresh eggs

hummus

hemp, flax and chia seeds (as in chia pet!)

tons of fresh fruits and veggies

soy milk

and small amounts of wheat flour

I've lost about 10 pounds so far. But the focus really is on how I feel and how healthy I am. And God has had some things to teach me along the way. .

Will I eat like this forever? I don't know, but probably not. Do the kids and Nathan eat my new diet? No. But they are eating healthier. Do I feel better about myself? Absolutely!

Pray

2009-07-22T07:31:00.001-07:00

I have a lot on my mind today, too many things to organize a thoughtful post. But this scripture has been speaking to me and I thought I would share.

God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore~1 Kings 4:29

All we have to do is pray and ask.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

2009-07-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

I love this idea from The Simple Woman's Daybook. I recently read The Midwife's Tale and was fascinated with Martha Ballard's simple details penned in her daybook. What a powerful recollection of her life left for her descendants to read later. I wish I had something similar to read from my grandmothers. After seeing this HERE, I decided that I would create my own "daybook" making entries every so often.

Outside my window...Sky, Trees, Grass, A pond, A Fence...I love my life.

I am thinking...where do I begin. I really need to think less, talk less. Thinking most about organizing the house. Giving things away.

From the learning rooms...Lots of reading and real life learning.

I am thankful for... God's divine intervention in my life. Learning to slow down and experience life and all of the blessings I have been given. Spending lots of quality time with my family.

From the kitchen...Lots of fruits and veggies. Fewer processed foods.

I am wearing... A striped skirt I found in the closet upstairs, purple shirt, and my new, fun sandals.

I am reading... Memorizing Philippians, God Calling, and Start Your Family.

I am hoping... to develop a simplified system for trading.

I am creating... a knitted creation made by me on Saturday with a group at church.

I am praying... for wisdom for Nathan and I, Peace for some hurting families, Guidance for some friends, and joy for all.

Around the house... quilts, mason jars, toys, too many clothes, tons of fruits and veggies and a few fruit flies too.

One of my favorite things... quite time.

A few plans for the rest of the week... Life Hurts God Heals Meeting, Library, Reading, Picking in the Garden.

A List: Natural Childbirth

2009-07-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

1. Study Up. Read books like Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, magazines like Mothering and stay far, far away from A Baby Story and What to Expect When You're Expecting.

2. Create a Support System. Discuss your birthing choices with your physician or midwife as early as possible. Have one support person, husband or friend, that will be there during your pregnancy and birth. Share your fears and concerns, highs and lows. Let them be your voice so you can focus on giving birth. Hire a doula if possible.

3. Attend a Natural Birth Class. I attended the Wonderfully Made Childbirth courses and they were amazing! Opt for a private tour of the hospital instead of the traditional lamaze classes they offer.

4. I loved Hypnobabies. This program is amazing and if you commit to it you can have a very low pain/no pain birth experience. We used this from about 20 weeks on and Nathan and I both slept better and felt empowered to participate in the birth experience together. Hypnobabies has a great home study course if there traditional courses are not available in your area.

5. Create a Birth Plan.

6. Prepare Your Body. Prenatal yoga, walking and doing squats is a great way to prepare yourself for labor. Stay Hydrated. Eat Healthy. Use Evening Primrose Oil to do perennial massage.

7. Drink Raspberry Leaf Tea during pregnancy and labor.

8. Get Baby In Position. Visit a chiropractor during pregnancy. Use the Knee to Chest position to put baby in the optimal position for labor.

9. Stay Home As Long As Possible. The sooner you arrive at the hospital the more pressure and interventions you will have to overcome.

10. Pray. Love. Laugh. Breathe. Be.

A Tribute to my Grandmother

2009-07-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

I think we all have one person in our lives that we feel a special connection with (besides our spouses). There is a strong bond that is difficult to explain but so powerful that it lasts a lifetime. This is the best way for me to explain the powerful relationship that I have with my paternal grandmother.

She was such a fascinating person and there was so much depth to her life. And as close as we were while she was alive we are just now getting to know each other even better after her death. I find myself becoming more like her every day. Finally understanding the way she lived her life.

My grandma (that's what I called her and it fits perfectly, she wouldn't have felt comfortable with Granny or Gram and Grandmother would have been too stuffy) lived in New York and was a school teacher before she had children. She loved learning, gardening, artwork, flowers, cooking, baking, sewing and literature. My assumption is that her love for cooking and sewing came as she became a wife. I imagine that she was a lot like me as a young adult. Having high aspirations for her career and dreaming big about becoming an author, floral designer or world traveler. But God had an even bigger calling for her, to be a wife and mother (this is a photo of her with my dad, isn't she beautiful?).

My grandma didn't speak of herself very often so there are a lot things I do not know. But later in her life and even after her death I started getting to know this woman on a deeper level. My grandma loved me very much, this I know. At the same time there was a sadness about her that you could not ignore. I knew that she had lost a child, but shortly after she died my grandfather told me that she had actually lost three children. Now that I have children of my own I can only imagine the pain that she faced which explained the sadness that poured from her. But her own pain did not change the way she cared for others, loved others.

She was a very thrifty homemaker. She cooked three meals a day and those meals always looked alike. Grapefruit and cereal for breakfast with a small glass of orange juice, sandwiches with sliced cheese for lunch and a big meal for dinner. There were always chocolate chip cookies waiting in the freezer, but she made sure to remind you not to eat too many. My grandparents hardly ever went out to eat. Even as they traveled across country they would make their meals in their hotel room or motor home. I can only remember eating a restaurant with them one time, the day after I graduated from high school. She recycled plastic bags, my grandfather fixed appliances when they broke, and she made purchases carefully. She was a simple woman who put value on people and relationships rather than material things. Her jewelry was meaningful to her because they came from her husband and sons. And I will always cherish them because she wanted to give them to me.

My grandma pushed me. She always believed in me and wanted me to believe in myself. She encouraged me to read, keep up on my studies and love God. While I couldn't see my future as a wife and mother she could. I was so focused on finding the American dream that I lost sight of God's purpose for me. There were times that she forcefully tried to teach me to cook or sew and I didn't want to listen. She wanted to teach me the things that she had worked so hard to learn. Most of the time it was a gentle reminder or simple note and over time her wisdom seeped through.

These books were give to me on my 13th birthday. Saying that I did not appreciate them would be an understatement. There is a good chance that I didn't even open them. But years later when going through some things I opened the books. And in them was my grandma's handwriting. One book (These Wonderful People) simply said "From My Bookshelf". And the other (Fair is Our Land) said "This book is almost 50 years old, but these places will never change". How beautiful it is when I sit with my children and read these books to them. The same words my grandma once read. Hidden inside one of the books was a measurements pamphlet taken from a Betty Crocker cookbook. Another gentle reminder from my grandmother to take my job seriously!

The truth is that as a teenager and young adult I never appreciated my grandmother. I loved her and was fascinated by her, but I did not appreciate her like I can now. There were many times that she wanted to teach me skills that would make me a better keeper of my home. Little did I know that I would later ache to know what she had been trying to teach me. There are so many days when I wish my grandmother was here to teach me, guide me, tell me she is proud of me. But all I can do now is thank God for the influence she has had on my life and pass that on to the next generation. I want my children to know their mother and to know me they must know her.

My Memorization Challenge-Updated

2009-07-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

In THIS POST I made a confession about my poor attitude when I was not able to participate in the Esther bible study at our church. Which was followed by the calling from God to memorize scripture and my hesitant commitment to take on the challenge.

I have to admit that even as I wrote that post I was wondering how in the world I was going to be able to memorize the entire book of Philippians. Actually, I am still struggling with that. You have to realize that this is the same woman who most often can't remember how many years old I am.

But as he always does God has shown me that it is not my will, but his, and anything is possible when the Holy Spirit intervenes.

So this is an updates of sorts. For the first couple of verses I was in the honeymoon phase and couldn't get enough of memorizing God's word. Something powerful happens when you obey God and I immediately realized the benefits of being filled with God's word. But after a couple of verses I started to get a little weary. My brain kept saying too full, please delete. I never considered giving up, but there reality hit me that I realized I wasn't even 5 verses in and had a long, long way to go.

But then my verse purse arrived! And holding those verses in my hand I was reminded that God called me to do this and very soon I will see his purpose, his divine will.

Now that I have settled in with God's word in the book of Philippians I have realized that it is going to take steady, consistent work to see this to completion. It is not going to happen over night. God wants to me to dwell in his word, to fully understand it's meaning and what it means to my life. I have to read it, re-read it, pray over it, write it, type it, hear it over and over again. God wants me to live it, breathe it, feel it., know it.

For example, I was struggling to move past a few verses. And that is when I realized God needed to work in my heart on that specific topic.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ..... Philippians 1:9-10

This is not the first time that God has worked on my heart when it comes to loving others. I must know them to love them. I must have insight from God's word to love them no matter what. I must be pure and blameless in my own words and actions before my love for others can be felt.

Go visit Kristi over at Good Like a Medicine to see what she is giving away on her blog! She has some great new fabrics and verses available. The marriage and childbirth/labor verse cards both caught my eye (no, I'm not pregnant-just love birth).

THIS IS HIM SERVING GOD

2009-07-01T19:27:00.001-07:00

My husband is the most amazing man. I know, I know everyone reading this thinks that their husband is amazing too, right? Let me explain what I mean. My husband is perfect for ME. I truly believe that God created us for each other. And that's not to say that we never argue or get aggravated with each other. We do.

But a beautiful thing happens within a healthy marriage. As you go about your everyday life experiencing ups and downs, good and bad days you learn more about yourself and other people. But in the end there you are, stronger than before, and still united.

But back to why my husband is so amazing.

He's a manly man and I like my man to be manly. If something breaks he can fix it. If someone has something big and heavy he can lift it. He can drive big trucks and tractors. He works so hard that he wears holes in his jeans and socks. He works hard outside in the summer heat and grows a beard in the winter. He works hard for us.

He doesn't get his feelings hurt, except by me. He is brutally honest, even when it is hard and doesn't apologize for it. He believes in God, Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, and he doesn't apologize for it. He is a wonderful example to our children. And he expects a lot from me, but is gentle when I mess up.

I am in love with this photo of Nathan on our family Mission trip. This is him serving God. This is what it looks like. He's hot, dirty and tired. He brought his family with him and was thrilled we were there. And he can't wait to do it again!

ZEAL

2009-06-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

We are studying words from the dictionary of NIV terms. I let the kids take turns randomly selecting a word to study and for some reason they like the idea of just randomly picking a word rather than systematically going through the words (oh wait a minute, maybe they get that from me).

Today's word is ZEAL

Impassioned devotion to a person or a cause.

Carter quickly said, "mommy, is that why you want to make sure babies get to live. Because you are ZEAL?"

I laughed because it was almost as if I had been given a super hero name. Mommy Zeal-helping babies get to live!

Just as quickly I felt a heaviness that I am faced with often.

At that moment I was reminded that I do have impassioned devotion to a person or a cause. And for better or worse that person is women and girls and the cause is those faced with choosing or denying an abortion. Not because I want to judge anyone else, take someones rights away or preach a legalistic view of my interpretation of what the bible has to say about life or when it begins. The truth is I do not have the energy, desire or vocabulary to do any of those things.

I imagine my ZEAL as A GIFT tied up with a big red bow. There are many days that I wish MY GIFT could be something else. For instance, how joyful and exhilarated I would be if MY GIFT was to ride as many roller coasters as possible in a year, taking others on the journey with me. Sharing MY GIFT with friends would come easy and others would see me as the crazy roller coaster mom, instead of constantly wondering if I am making a difference while treading lightly enough not to offend. I have moments where I appreciate MY GIFT and see it for what it is. But most often I am tired, busy and just too afraid of "going there". I put MY GIFT on the shelf and ignore it, try to give it away or kick it while screaming out to God "Why me, haven't I suffered enough. Why can't I just rest for a while". But then I wake up the next morning and there it is waiting for me to obey.

My ZEAL started as unhealthy hurt as I struggled with the fact that my mother was told to abort me (not an unborn baby-ME). Those feelings started as a child when family members would say "you are lucky that you are here because the doctors said that your mother should have aborted you". Many admitted that they had believed that my mother should have had an abortion. And to be honest, it hurt.

My ZEAL was reinforced as my mother met several women who had abortions and needed healing. Sitting in front of a birthday cake covered in candles going out one by one as tears poured down from their face. I have heard their stories and they are powerful memorials to the life they ended. I have seen the GRACE OF GOD bring healing and joy to these women when the world only brings them shame and persecution.

My ZEAL for the unborn was challenged as the debate always settles on "the health of the mother". Because the truth is my mother's health declined because of her pregnancy and my birth. There is substantial research that indicates that if my mother terminated she very likely would have had a more positive outcome. I know that she BELIEVES that even with her physical and mental limitations her quality of life was improved by MY LIFE.

My ZEAL has an ignited passion for women who are faced with abortion due to low income and resources, being a single parent, physical or mental limitations, lack of support, fear, loneliness, pressure from family...because I KNOW that life is meaningful even in difficult circumstances. That where we are in one moment may, and often does, change. I have never met a woman who said if I would have had an abortion my life would be better, more fulfilled (not to say there are not women out there that feel that way, but I have never met them).

And because I am a slow learner everything above wasn't enough. For years I had wondered what I would have done in my mothers shoes. Would I have made the same decision? God made me face my deepest, darkest fear when I was four months pregnant with our first child. Sitting in the same hospital I was born in doctors told us that I had the same blood clotting disorder as my mother and I had a 50% chance of survival*. They suggested an abortion as my best option, more than once. At home sitting on the cold bathroom floor we let the tears fall. We were scared, hurting and angry. It was time to open MY GIFT. Would I have made the same decision if I had not lived through it before? I don't know. But I do know that when we are willing the HOLY SPIRIT can, and does, do amazing work. **We learned that a baby aspirin a day cures this condition without any other medical condition, and does not merit an abortion.

Now if you are still out there I want to say that I completely understand how abortion is a very hot topic. It's political and personal and I realize that. Trust me, I agonize over that. I have friends who have been through it and when invited I helped them through (and it was a long, hard journey). It has taken a lot of maturing to get to the place I am at now. And I still have a long way to go.

I also realize that abortion is very complex. Women do not take the decision lightly and there are usually many reasons that they follow down that path. I also know that simply investing time and money into pregnancy support centers is not the answer (although they do wonderful work in those clinics). Physicians and doctors need to put more research into conditions and health problems that they feel condone an abortion. Women need assistance to cheaper health care and support once the baby is born.

This is NOT MY GIFT~ Picketing abortion clinics, debating abortion online or in forums, judging women, doctors, or nurses who have had or assisted in abortion, devoting endless time to calling my congressman and signing petitions, pushing the issue, and trying to change those on the choice side's mind (I am not saying this is not your GIFT, but I know that it is not mine).

My Gift is to help ANY WOMAN who is carrying a child no matter her circumstances and without judgement. I can do this by simply providing real, substantial support through listening, giving and prayer.

And this is what I BELIEVE

~EVERY WOMAN deserves to BELIEVE that no matter her circumstances, through HOPE~FAITH~LOVE, she can carry a baby to term. And that it is her CHOICE whether she becomes a parent or GIVES her child to someone else so they can become a parent.

~PREGNANCY~CHILDBIRTH~PARENTING is very difficult and challenging. NONE of us are capable of accomplishing the physical and mental tasks that are required to raise a child. Only the HOLY SPIRIT can provide what we need, when we need it, ONE DAY AT A TIME. And that HOLY SPIRIT is available to EVERYONE.

~MOTHERHOOD was not intended to be exclusively for the elite, wealthy, educated, mentally stable, married, courageous, happy, sexually pure, mature adults.

~WOMEN who have had abortions BELIEVE that they had no other option at that time in their life. But MOST women I know who have had abortions do suffer emotionally and sometimes physically at some point after their abortion. What they once thought was a right or choice becomes a lie and regret.

~My job is to show others the love of CHRIST JESUS. His job is to change their HEARTS and MINDS.

The truth is that we do not have to go searching for OUR GIFT, our ZEAL. It's already there. We know what it is. We just have to obey.

Feeding Baby~Naturally

2009-06-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

Several times in the last couple of weeks I have been asked two questions.

The first, when are you going to start Lilah on solids?

I think that people are genuinely concerned when they hear that I didn't start Lilah on baby food at 4 months (or before). There is a misconception that breast milk is not adequate enough for babies, partnered with an urgency to "buy" baby it's first foods. My answer is no, but I will begin around the seventh month.

The second question, are you going to make your own baby food, makes me giggle because I assume that they do not ask this question to every mother they know.

So I wonder what gave it away? The fact that I chose to birth naturally, cloth diaper, exclusively breast feed, homeschool? Maybe I need to stop wearing that jumper dress with the apple applique' (just joking, and not meant to offend anyone wearing one right now).

So here's our feeding plan, plain and simple.

Newborn-6 Months

Come to visit us anytime in the first two months and you will notice that I pretty much have a baby attached to me all the time. And Nathan will be calling us the Booby Buffet, Mama's Milk Machine-you get the idea. I nurse only and often to make sure I have a good milk supply and that baby gets the hang of it. We choose not to use bottles or pacifiers and are blessed to be able to. But if you need to supplement there are great tips and ideas on pumping and bottle feeding out there.

After 6 Months

~We start with infant cereal. Just a few tablespoons a day until baby "figures it out". I use breastmilk in my cereal, but you can also use warm water. A friend of mine recently asked how I get the breastmilk in there when I don't pump. I'll leave that for you to figure out, wink-wink.

~Next we will slowly incorporate fresh carrot juice to the infant cereal to add a new flavor.

~This is how we make our own baby food from fruits and veggies (it may appear too simple, but that's because it is).

1. Pick your own squash, carrots, green beans, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, peas, apples, peaches, pears, or any other available fruit or veggie from your garden (if you don't have it fresh in your garden grab a bag of frozen fruit or veggie from the freezer), (if you don't have any in the freezer go to your local farmers market), (if winter is here you can go to the grocery store and purchase fresh, frozen or canned (no salt added) fruits and veggies).

2. If they are soft foods like peaches and pumpkin you will not have to heat them. Other foods will have to be heated either on the stove or in the microwave.

3. Put them in the blender and add water slowly until you get the desired consistency. When you first start baby on foods you will want them to be super fine adding more texture as they get older.

4. Most often baby will eat the the same fruits and veggies we are eating that day. But if I make too much or have a bushel of squash from the garden I will make and freeze. Just pour the food into ice cube trays and freeze. Once they are done you can dump them into a freezer bag and you are ready for food on the go.

9 Months and Beyond

Around the 9 month mark I start feeding baby mashed up foods that we are eating as a family. This helps me to prepare healthy fruits and veggies for us and also allows baby to become part of the family sharing in meals with us.

Babies milk source will continue to come from me until at least 18 months and then we will add soy or cow milk.

My goal is that baby will have eaten as many foods as possible by the time she is 18 months old (except cow milk, butter, salt, sugar, peanuts or any other food that is labeled inappropriate for infants-it's an ever changing list).

There is also the cost factor. If you ever purchased jarred baby food you know how expensive it is. And if you haven't you will probably be in shock when you see the price. Not to mention that baby food has got to have the highest food/packaging ratio on the market!

This method was not recommended by a Doctor and is my own preference for feeding our children.

Daily Reads

2009-06-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

In an effort to live lighter I have cleared my Bookmarks from my computer. The sites that I visit most often have been added to my sidebar under Daily Reads. If you would like your blog or website added to my list please leave a comment under this post.

It's a Start

2009-06-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

You may remember this post where I announced my goal of an attitude of gratitude and an eagerness to start making things for the girls with my hands.

The attitude of gratitude has improved, but I still have more work to do. One thing I realized about myself is that when I committed to saying two positive things for every negative comment I found myself speaking less. That is an improvement in itself, but not exactly what I was going for. I was intentionally stopping myself from saying something negative so I wouldn't have to come up with something positive. Whoa! Is it possible that I am not as positive as I think I am?

And do you notice that adorable little girl? That is sweet Lilah at 5 months old, 5 months, can you believe it?

I crocheted that pink and green headband she is wearing. I had actually made it for Elizabeth, but it didn't fit. And Nathan thinks she looks like she is ready for a pick up game of one on one. But it's a start, and you have to start somewhere!

Life Hurts...We Hurt...God Heals

2009-06-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have been blessed by participating in the Life Hurts...God Heals program. This life changing 8-Step program focuses on life long tools for students with pain and addiction.

This ministry is very close to my heart because of the pain and addiction I suffered as a teenager and young adult.

I wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol, praise God, but I was addicted to approval and pleasing others. And the pain I suffered was deep and very real. I was not surprised, but deeply saddened to find that the top 5 issues facing youth today are cutting (causing pain to self), addictions, pornography, family dysfunction and suicide.

Because of our family commitment to limiting our activities I will not be able to be a group host, but I will be giving my testimony and teaching a few of the lessons. In preparing for my testimony I have really been thinking about the fact that Life Hurts...God Heals.

And then it became clear to me...

We Hurt...Ourselves...Each Other...The One's We Love The Most...And God Still Heals.

As I was writing my post on defining myself it occured to me that it was Others reaction and inability to cope with my circumstances that caused a lot of my pain. Here is an example:

When I was younger (and even as a young adult) my family, church members and friends called me a spoiled, rotten brat-very often (it became a nickname for me, I was even introduced to others by this description). Now that I am older and a little wiser (throw in a few years of counseling) I think what they meant to say was this:

Your mother loves you more than anything. She was willing to die for you. She does everything for you (cleans your room, does your laundry, buys you stuff). And you don't seem to care. You should know better than to let her do those things for you. We feel sorry for your mom and we don't know what to do for her. If only you could do something, be something else. She is sad, lonely and you are not filling the void in her life the way we would like you to. We don't know what to say or do so we will call you a spoiled rotten brat and hopefully that will make you change.

What they didn't know is how much pain this brought me. I did know that my mom loved me and realize that even more today. My mother is the most amazing woman I know and I admire her for saving my life.

But

My pain was very real. I was suffering from abuse and life experiences that no child should have to endure. It was not my job to make my mother happy. She was depressed, lonely, scared. And only God could fill that void in her life (and God has). Another good point is that my love language is Words of Affirmation (and not gifts or acts of service). So when my mother would buy me things and do things for me I appreciated it, but a positive word would have meant more. I didn't clean or do laundry because my mother liked to do those things herself, her way (this is something she has apologized for and is helping me teach my children to do these things). Point is: I did not want to be a spoiled rotten brat. I wanted to be a loving, hard working, beautiful, happy, fun person to be around. Now I am not saying that I didn't act like a spoiled, rotten brat. I am sure I did. And I am sure that it was pretty frustrating to those who loved my mother before they loved me.

But

I must admit it hurt, a lot.

I mention this to make a point that what we say to kids matter. We hurt them. And we must give them an outlet to express their feelings. And build their relationship with God so that he can do the healing that we cannot. Here is another example:

A week ago Carter put on a new t-shirt that had a canoe on it. He kept asking me why his shirt had a woman's shoe on it and at first I didn't know what he meant. Finally I realized he thought the canoe was a high-heeled shoe. I laughed so hard because it did look like a woman's shoe. Later that day I told a friend about what Carter said and we both laughed. Moments later I noticed that Carter was upset and not participating with the other kids. I asked him what was wrong and he finally told me I had embarassed him. I never would have thought that would be embarassing. But it was to him, and his feelings matter. I hurt him.

The truth is that I was hurt and I will hurt others. But God heals us. We must trust God to heal our hurts. And teach our children to rely on God for the healing they desperately need, even when they are kids.

re~Defining Myself

2009-06-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

When I was a child I defined myself by

my mothers illness, my fathers absence, my parents divorce, my learning disabilities, abuse, lack of friends, loneliness, abandonment, my appearance, a family with addictions and depression, fear, ignorance, what other told me to believe...

As a teenager I defined myself by

my sins, clothing, friends, illness, hobbies, music, religion, abuse, others words, lies...

As an adult I have defined myself by

my failures and successes, divorce, illness, jobs, floral designs, writing, religious views, childbirth choices, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, natural parenting, vegetable eating, smoothie drinking, homeschooling ways

BUT

today I pray that the God Almighty will free me from my definitions. May I be reminded daily by my true identity. A sinner, saved by Jesus Christ. The daughter of the loving God. A wife and mother who God has filled with the Holy Spirit to do his will, not mine.

Living Light: Finances

2009-06-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

Our Story

In two months we will be completely debt free including our vehicle and home. And by God's grace we have done this on Nathan's income of $32,000 a year.

If you know our family then you know we are cheap. Here are a few examples to express the extent of our cheapness: 1982 recliners $12 at auction, dishwasher (with dings and missing pieces) $100, 99.9% of our clothing is used and most were given to us. We love a bargain and enjoy shopping around for days, months even years before we make a purchase. I say all of this because I realize that not everyone is so cheap. So some of the things that have worked for us may not work for you, but the point is finding what will work.

We decided early on in our marriage that living with the lots of stuff is not worth living with the stress of debt.

The Three Most Important Steps Towards Living Financially Light

1. Pray and Know God's Word-God will speak to you and guide you but you have to be in prayer over your finances. Know what God has to say about money and debt. He is very specific and very timely for our generation.

2. Obedience to God's Calling-God will give you specific direction when it comes to your finances, but you have to be listening and willing to act (or not act in many cases). The Holy Spirit will give you the power to make hard decisions and obey. And the best thing is that God will bless you for your obedience in more profound ways than you can imagine.

3. Give Your Money Away-Tithing 10% of God's money makes you more respectful with the 90% you get to keep. I am going to list many choices we have made to become debt free but without the grace of God it is very, very difficult. There have been many times that paper, pen and calculator said one thing but God amazed us with his divine intervention.

The Big Stuff
Housing-Renting can sometimes be a good option for living light (especially if you choose a small space that will lower your other bills). But in our situation we decided to make an investment with our home. We bought a great home with 13 acres at a great deal. We knew that we would be able to sell the land at a great price if we needed to. When we started praying about me becoming a stay at home mom we were lead to sell the land and pay of a huge chunk of our mortgage. We also made extra payments with tax returns and larger payments whenever possible so that we could be freed from home debt.
Vehicles-When Nathan and I were married we both owned our own vehicles which was a great way to keep us on track. We did purchase a brand new vehicle at 0% interest and used savings to pay it off (since it was a 0% loan we kept our money in our account to draw interest and made payments each month from that account until it was paid off). Future vehicles will be paid for in full and we will probably never buy new again.

Food & Eating Out
I believe that food (especially eating out) can be the number one contributor to debt. Since it's food, something we need, we can easily convince ourselves that it is a reasonable purchase. And the little things add up fast (not just on our wallets but on our backsides too).

Coupons & Sales-I do use coupons but I am nowhere near a coupon queen. Since I usually purchase generic, store brands, items on sale and fresh products I rarely have a coupon. I do make a list and stick to it, rarely making impulse purchases.
Meal Planning-The single best thing we do to save money on food is to purchase only what we will eat. And my strategy is to purchase a little less than what I think we will need. Here is my reasoning on that: we almost always have some sort of interuption from our dinner plans during the week (meeting, working outside until late, being invited to eat with someone else) and then that food is wasted. So by limiting what I buy at the store we always have enough, but not too much. There are few things I love more than a near empty fridge or pantry.

We eat the same things most of the time. For breakfast we have fruit smoothies and a puff. For lunch we have a sandwich with some fresh fruit. And for dinner we have meat (chicken, beef, turkey), fresh/frozen/canned fruit, a vegetable and sliced bread. We keep it simple and it helps us to eat healthier and on a tight budget. I tend to stay away from complex recipes and casaroles which can increase cost, have higher calories and take longer to prepare.
Eating Out-We like to eat out so we do. But very rarely and just the two of us most of the time. When we have gone out to eat in the past at a sit down restaurant as a family we normally find ourselves wondering what we were thinking. The kids don't appreciate it and we do not get to talk When we do take the kids out to eat we focus on what they really want. They are more than happy to have a healthy snack at home and just french fries or ice cream when we go out.

Gifts & Holidays

Birthdays-we ask family and friends to bring gently used gifts to our children on their birthdays. And we do one special gift for them. We also keep decorations and food to a minimum.

Christmas-we purchase three gifts (representing the gifts given to Jesus Christ by the three wise men) for each child and they are usually gently used items. Since we do not purchase toys during the year we save these purchases for Christmas. We have also condensed our gift giving list to our children and a few family and friends children. Our christmas budget is $300 and we stick to it.

Holiday Decorating-I am definately a Mary and not a Martha so we keep the decorating very simple. If you saw our Chrsitmas tree (house plant) last year you know what I mean. We want to keep the "holidays" from taking over our life. Christmas is Jesus Birthday, Easter is a celebration of Jesus resurrection and Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks.

Clothing

Buy Low & Sell High-The items that I purchase are almost always used and I get them at a great price. When the kids outgrow them I sell them for more than the purchase price. So we are continually making a little extra money on our clothes. I use the extra $ to supplement birthdays and Christmas.

Purchases-I purchase our clothing from ebay, Lil' Angels Attic consignment sale, Diaper Swappers, Goodwill and a few friends that let me have first dibs at their great stuff.

When we are given clothing I love it, use it and pass it on. God is good on his promises and when you give you will receive.

Cloth Diapers-we use cloth diapers which I purchase gently used from Diaper Swappers. When we outgrow a size I trade or sell them for more and almost always make money on my diapers. So instead of paying for diapers we are making money.

Other Financial Drains

Vacations-When we take vacations as a family we think realistically at what our day will look like. Waking up and getting everyone out the door and getting back for naps does not leave us a lot of time to enjoy theme parks or other costly activities. So we try to take trips that have tons of free things to do within a short drive from our hotel. State Parks are our favorite places to stay. They have great accommodations, amazing food (many use local products), free activities on site and are in locations that offer free tours and activities. And they are also very family friendly. Stay-cations are also great ideas for those with older children and a tight budget.

Impulse Purchases-We avoid making impulse purchases by holding each other accountable, selling something else first and researching the lowest price. A lot of the time we realize that we do not even need the item to begin with.

Making Extra Income

Saving-Our slogan is Saving a $ is better than Making a $!

Hard Work-God has blessed us with an eagerness to work hard and the perfect outlets to do that. Nathan grows fruits and vegetables to sell at the local farmers market and I have been able to make supplemental income through my work as a freelance floral designer.

God's Blessings-When we need extra income God provides the way. We have to be listening to his calling and willing to act, but he makes it possible.

The Future

All of these things have been on my mind a lot lately as we have been discussing living lighter and considering a move towards compact living. We want to challenge ourselves even further and resist commercialism as much as possible. Our biggest incentive is teaching our children what is most valuable in life. And that material possessions are not what make us rich. Jesus and Paul are perfect examples of being substantially blessed but financially poor. I'll be sharing more of this journey in future posts.

Our Family Mission Continued

2009-06-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

The Mission

We had a wonderful experience at Gasper River Retreat Center. Nathan and I have been called to focus on family mission experiences for the past year or so, and we have had a difficult time finding many opportunities out there. When we tell them we are a family of 5 with three children under 5 we either get the sideways glance or a "huh, not sure about that".

So we decided if that we needed to go ahead and make our own experience. Gasper River was so accommodating and never once questioned our ability to come with 8 adults and 10 kids under the age of 7 to do landscaping and small jobs. The Holy Spirit was at work through us on our trip. Not only did we accomplish some big jobs but we changed the hearts of our children, and ourselves. We also learned a lot about mission work with small kids and hope to build on this experience in big ways.

Being Called

You may be wondering what brought us to this moment in time and what this means for our future.

Soon after we were called to homeschool we realized that God was calling us into mission work. We weren't sure exactly what that would look like. And the truth is that we still don't. But here is what we do know.

~God is calling us to Work Hard, Play Hard, Love Hard together as a family. And not just me and Nathan, or just the older kids. That means the entire family down to the little one strapped on my back.

~God is leading us to form our routine's (including the children's educations) so that we can pick up and move when called. That means simplifying as much as possible.

~God is making it clear that we are to live lighter on this earth. Sell, give, barter, trade, whatever it takes to live with less.

~God is working on our hearts in huge ways. Which means that he is revealing the ugly, sinful nature of our hearts so that we can be set free from the heaviness of sin. We are looking at how we talk to each other, what we say or think about others and what we truly believe about the word of God. It hasn't been an easy road but it has been wonderful.

~And God has been working on our physical bodies as well. To keep up with three little one's we have to be eating healthy and physically fit. This may be one of our hardest challenges so far, but we are up to it.

So we are finally settling back into a routine of sorts. We have knocked off the dirt and evaluated the journey we were just on. Talked about who we were when we were there and who we are when we are here, at home.

Our Family Mission

2009-06-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Team Howell just returned from our first family mission trip. We are tired, dirty and really dirty (did I already say that?). God has really been working in our lives and I have a lot to share, but for now I will leave you with a family photo after a long day's work.

Memorizing God's Word

2009-06-01T13:41:00.000-07:00

Let me start with a confession. I have mentioned before that we are committed to limiting our activities to things that our entire family can do together (or at least 3 or more of us at one time). Our church is involved in some really exciting things right now and I'll be sharing some of that soon. But because of two committees at church (we don't normally do this but they are good one's), my women's accountability group (highly recommended!) and our hospitality ministry (I'll be sharing more about that soon) we are at our limit.

So here is my confession. Several women at our church that I admire are doing a Beth Moore study. And I really, really wanted to participate. But if you know anything about these studies they are a very huge commitment. Ten weeks of vigorous study, video and discussion. The meaty discussion is what I was looking forward to.

Oh wait, I haven't gotten to the confession yet have I? Okay so here is a look at my ugly, selfish heart.

I prayed about it for about two weeks before I mentioned it to Nathan (this should have been a warning-because God was telling me NO the entire time-and because I am a slow learner I kept praying, hoping God would change his mind).

So I finally went to Nathan (insert batting eyelashes and grin here) and said, "honey, I need to ask you something important that I have been praying about for two weeks".

And he told me what he normally does when that is the way I start a conversation, "the answers probably no, but ask anyway" (he doesn't normally tell me no, except when I start a conversation in that way).

I told him that I wanted to do the study, but needed his okay first. And you will never guess what he told me-NO!

Can you believe it? Can you guess what I did next?

I pouted, I brought it up over and over hoping he would come to his senses. To be honest, I was actually annoying myself.

And then I came to my senses and asked God what he had planned to quench this desire I had for studying his word.

And then I listened. And god's answer was to...

Memorize Scripture!

My initial response was "Say what!!! are you crazy God! I can't even remember where I put all of my children. How in the world am I going to be able to memorize scripture".

But God is God and he ALWAYS shows me the way (once I open my eyes).

So I will be memorizing the book of Philippians. Yep, the whole book (although I'm thankful it's a small one).

Sara shared The James Challenge that she is taking using these great verse purses made my Kristi. I love it when God's answer involved cute, hand made things.

Proverbs 3:1-6

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

A List: Why We Homeschool

2009-05-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

1. God told us to. Not once, but many, many times until we finally said yes.

2. I like my kids. And I love being with them.

3. Not to shelter them from the world.

To show them the world.

4. Not to protect them from those in need, those who sin or the unsaved.

To teach them to help those in need, realize they are sinners and how to reach out to the unsaved.

5. Time is valuable. And I NEED more time with my children than public school's will allow me.

6. I believe there is much more important things to learn than the 3 R's (although we will be teaching the 3 R's too!).

7. If my children can learn to love and respect each other (not to mention their parents) they will do the same with others.

8. We can focus on socialization rather than simply socializing.

9. Education is important, and the holy spirit will provide us with the energy, encouragement and ability to provide our children with the best education for them.

10. Homeschooling will allow us to slow down, rest in him and see his purpose for each of us.

Thoughts on Pride and Self-Esteem

2009-05-23T17:16:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about something that I read here, here and here. One of the ways that God get's my attention is by presenting an idea to me in several different ways over a couple of days. I am a slow learner!

I originally read Jess's post on Pride and Self-Esteem and was very inspired by the points made by Mark Driscoll during a sermon on that topic.

I have to admit that I have been known to fall for the self-help trap. Particularly earlier in my life when I was dealing with very tough times. This point made by Driscoll is what caught my attention:

'Well what about self-help?' That's the problem! We don't help ourselves; we need Jesus. It's not self-help, self-esteem, self-actualization. It's God, it's Christ, it's grace, it's gospel, it's glory to Him! We miss this totally.

I also needed to hear this point about what we are teaching kids about self-help. If I had not read this idea, in this way, I think I may have been headed down this path with my kids:

You see this starting at youth. This is like a toxin that's put into your soul from birth. "Oh, you're a snowflake, you're special, there's no one like you." There was a study that came out; they tested American kids versus kids around the world. We score the lowest in geography, scored really low in math, really low in reading, and really high-- among the highest in the world-- in self-esteem.

I had a really low self-esteem (God-esteem in reality) when I was growing up. Not only was I hard on myself but people around me were hard on me too. So rather than realizing what God could do with my life I focused on what this world had done with my life. Thank Jesus I have been redeemed!

Then God leads me to Rachel's 55 minute inspirational story of facing terminal cancer at only 37 years old. One of the points that really touched me was how much we think of ourselves. Pointing out that Oprah is the leader of self-help (I totally agree). And pointing out that we need to focus on God as our source of "help" and not ourselves or each other. There are many more wonderful, life changing words spoken by Rachel so please take the time to watch the entire thing.

My First Not Me Monday

2009-05-23T16:42:00.000-07:00

I love this idea from My Charming Kids. Most people who blog feel like they have a story to tell. I'm no different, and in fact, I love telling my story! As soon as something happens to me, good or bad, my immediate reaction is to share it with someone. I've been like this since I was little. I'm a story teller, teacher and to be honest probably talk too much.

So what I like about "Not Me" Monday is it gives me a chance to reflect on how real I am. A real human being who sins and does the some of the exact things I blog about being wrong in our world.

And here we go with my first "Not Me".

I most certainly do not give my kiddos chips or candy when I am on the telephone talking to a friend about something that really is not that important anyway. Nope, not me!

I would never let my child go over a week without a bath. Nope, never happens!

Making fun of people on TV, in particular our local television anchors is something I would never do. Wouldn't even think about it!

And I have never, never rushed to do the laundry, dishes or some other wifely duty when I see my husbands truck pull in the drive. Nah, I would never be caught doing something like that!

A Simpler Family

2009-05-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

We have been on a journey towards a simpler life for a while. We started our marriage with the normal busyness that you see in our culture. We both worked, had social life's, we were on committee's, volunteered, attended church, participated in small groups and occasionally spent time alone or with family. As we started having children and I decided to stay home we found ourselves with more time together as a family, but were still pretty busy. I'd like to say that we have figured out the perfect 1, 2, 3 plan for simplicity that everyone is searching for.

But the truth is that we haven't. There are a few decisions we have made that prioritize our time spent in this world. Homeschooling has provided us a way to slow down in the mornings. Cuddling on the couch, enjoying breakfast together and sitting around the table reading, learning and doing a lot of drawing! It has also slowed us down in the evenings as Nathan leads us in a review of our daily bible studies and teaching the children math and science. In the middle of the day we begin a time of rest by reciting scripture, the Lord's Prayer or the 10 Commandments. Because the kids aren't quite ready for naps they are very attentive!

We have made a commitment to limiting our secular involvement to activities we can do as a family or for the family. But I must admit that we are failing. The secular pull is very strong and there are so many great things to say yes to. Especially as the kids get older. It's something that will continue to work on and I am sure that I will be journaling our struggles and successes here on my blog.

This article on A Call To Family Worship has great advice for a simpler family life. Focusing your efforts on:

Public Worship

Family Worship

The Lord's Day (not just the Lord's Morning)

Teaching the Catechism

Instead of each family member being pulled in different directions you are brought together to focus on biblical truth. Life is simplified!

My Gratitude Challenge

2009-05-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Our church is hosting a 21 day gratitude challenge. What a great addition to my efforts towards an attitude of gratitude. Along with Sunday morning sermons we have green arm bands to wear with the verse Philippians 4:8. You may remember my use of 4:4-7 throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery. The memorization of these versus reinforced the importance of dwelling in God's word throughout the day. So I am eager to use this verse throughout the day to remind me to settle into whatever is:

TRUE

HONORABLE

FAIR

PURE

ACCEPTABLE

COMMENDABLE

EXCELLENCE

PRAISEWORTHY

Now I have to make a confession. I can be a very negative, judgemental, cynical person. It is very easy for me to see the ugly in someone else before I begin to work on what God is trying to teach me. Guess you can call me a hypocrite (see Matthew 7:5 for an adequate description). It's okay.....go ahead, I can take it. This is something that has been a life long struggle for me. But I KNOW that with the work of the holy spirit this is something I can overcome. Praise God, I have seen huge improvements in the last couple of years and will earnestly continue being molded into the honorable woman God intends for me to be!

So in addition to the challenge to mediate on Philippians 4:8 I have added an additional challenge. And my 5 year old is doing a great job of keeping me committed. For every negative thing I say about someone or something (even in humor) I will say two positive things about that person or thing. Not only is it giving me a wake up call, but it has already helped me slow down my tongue. When my children are adults I don't want them to remember me as a great mom, but a negative person. And even more importantly I don't want them to speak the way I do sometimes!

God often surprises me with a touch of humor as he struggles to pull the ugly out of me. And I have been caught laughing out loud and some of these have come to mind over the last couple days.

I am filled with gratitude when:

~We have ants, because that means we also have food.

~Lilah wakes up twice every night, because my fertility will not be returning as soon.

~We are on an even tighter budget for the month, because I get to use my financial management skills.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things Philippians 4:8.

Attitude of Gratitude

2009-05-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

There are some things in this crazy, wonderful life that I feel like I am getting right. In general, I think I am a pretty good person. Don't get me wrong, I still sin more often than I would like. But I have always been a "do good" person (but for the wrong reasons most of the time). If I am convicted about something I normally begin working on it immediately. Searching through scripture, seeking counsel and praying about it until I get it under control. But I am a slow learner and still have many more convictions to face. Nathan and I are working on saying no to "the American way" and yes to God as much as possible. My life mission is to help others (although I will say that I need to work on helping those who want help first!).

But there is one area where I continue to struggle. Gratitude. Contentment and peace come much easier to me than gratitude. Hard times I have seen, and endured peacefully. But gratitude has been put on the back burner too many times. So as I write this post I am pledging to be more thankful for the place in time God has put me.

... having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your
faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. ... Colossians 2:7

Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly (doesn't that blog name just make you happy) has a great post on living without complaining. And gives some practical advice. There is a great letter from Laine suggesting that you imagine yourself speaking to a woman during the 1800's, to remind yourself of everything we have in this life. I suggest reading first, and watching second, Little House on the Prairie with your kids.

I have always wanted to sew, skirts and dresses for me and the girls in particular. I think about it all of the time, but since I do not know how to sew it has always felt like a selfish use of my time. But after giving it more thought, and watching Little House on the Prairie, I think I will give it a try. If sewing replaces computer and TV time and I create something practical like clothing for me and the children it doesn't seem so selfish. My heart of gratitude is happy already just thinking about it!

Sharing the Pain

2009-05-12T14:01:00.001-07:00

There are days that I wonder if God is preparing me for my own loss of a child. My mind is often consumed with the hurt of others suffering the loss of a child. While I cannot explain why this is, I can say that God has drawn me to other women who have faced this terrible loss. Most days I feel blessed to be drawn to others stories without suffering the fullness of those trials myself. I have suffered my own fear and pain in the past and realize that has given me a very sensitive heart towards others. My strong convictions on the sanctity of life, interest in God's gift of pregnancy, childbirth and being a mother along with the hope to leave a multi generational legacy keeps me going. Maybe that is why I am drawn to them. I am able to see the Beauty from Pain in my own life, but also the blessings that have made me who I am today. Why do I allow myself to share the pain of others who are hurting? The only answer I have is that I am drawn to them. God calls us to be poor in spirit and that is exactly what I am when I hear of women struggling with the loss of a child, spouse, parent. Maybe it's because we will all face many trials in our life and I long to provide some sort of comfort in their time of need. Or because God leads me to them so I can offer prayer, words of condolence or a listening ear.

While I pray that God will not call me to bear that loss I do know that I will face many trials and will need God along with other women to drag me through.

James 1:2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you are involved in various trials...

I am currently praying for:

Myah and Faith-thanking God for the amazing blessing of Faith's birth and life. For God to grant Myah many days and years with her beautiful daughter and a cure to be found for anencephaly. Prayers that others will read their story and see the potential (with God's miracle hand) of all babies with serious diagnosis).

Celia and Noah-the loss of baby Noah was unexpected, but no less painful. May God grant this family healing and strength during this very hard time.

Angie and Aubrey Caroline-time has passed and God is blessing this family with healing through helping others. May God give them courage and stamina to continue their efforts. And on the hard days, may she be surrounded with many Sunday's (see her blog for an explanation)

Be Still..............

2009-05-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

God is calling me to be still, to rest. In him, in this life he has given me. In my husbands arms at the end of the day. As a mother it is so difficult for me to do this. When I find a moment of silence I often fill it with another load of laundry, a phone call or facebook. But God planned things differently. He came to Adam and Eve in the cool of the day and wanted them to rest with him. And he wants the same from us. Satan is good at filling our days with good things, but things that distract us from the peace we earn from resting in our Lord and Savior.

While I often miss the point on this there are a few things I have done to find at least glimmers of rest. We say no often, even to good things. What we do say yes to is things that we can do as a family. Even our acts of service are focused on what we can do as a family. Greeting at church, providing meals, inviting others into our home. All of these can be done together as a family. This serves several purposes. It allows us to teach our children through example what it looks like to serve others in practical ways. It also frees Nathan and I up to enjoy guilt-free time together and along.

We also try to live a slower pace of life. While saying no is often the answer, saying yes is too. But we try to say yes to the things that God leads us towards. Me staying home with the kiddos, homeschooling and Nathan keeping a low key job have all been yes's to God (even when it has been hard) so that we can slow down and rest. I pray today that God will continue to work in us to find rest in him.

{Fresh Floral Art}

2009-04-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

My focus here at {Life Is Good} has been on my life as a wife, mother, homeschooling, follower of Jesus Christ. And while those are the most important things to me I thought I would share my other passion-fresh floral art. My love for creating art with fresh floral products was passed down from my grandmother. She nurtured my God given talent into what it is today. For more photos of my designs and desire to use local, organic or naturally processed products to create works of art visit my other blog.

Lots of Links!

2009-03-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have too many links in my favorites folder so I thought that I would take this chance to clean it out and share them with my readers.

Homeschool

Half Price Homeschool offers tons of resources at HALF PRICE! I checked the prices and they are great.

The largest collection (that I have seen anyway) of homeschool supplies is at Rainbow Resources. And they have excellent customer service.

Lapbooks are a great way for younger kids to organize their thoughts and lessons into one small space. We love showing these off to Daddy.

Visit this great website about the Underground Railroad with your kids.

Are you attending the convention? If so, I hope to see you there!

Around the House

Making Home has some great, easy recipes with very few ingredients.

Looking for affordable cloth diapers, baby items or even items for yourself? Diaper Swappers is a great community of mom's (and a few dad's) where you can sell things without paying auction fees.

Frugal Living

For great savings tips visit coupon mom. I use it to check out the weekly specials at CVS, Walgreen's and Krogers. She has other retail stores listed also. There are also great specials on restaurants and hotels.

Download coupons directly to your grocery card.

Tired of buying an entire paper just for the P&G coupons? Download them here.

Natural Parenting

Are you researching your family planning options and not sure about drugs, surgery or other common practices? Natural Family Planning may be right for you.

This is a great website about Natural Childbirth and your rights.

If you are interested in some great infant slings here are my favorites: Beco Butterfly

Hotslings, and the Lil' Peeper Keeper.

Random, but Interesting

See what our president carries in his pocket everyday.

Running is a great exercise especially for busy mom's who don't have time to attend a pilates class. Kids can get out there with you! And these are great, affordable shoes.

Great Giveaways!

2009-03-09T14:36:00.001-07:00

There are two awesome giveaways going on right now. The first is one of my favorite cloth diapers from hot belly mama:

Win a free Bumgenius 3.0 Diaper! This is a valuable All-In-One cloth diaper that you can use for yourself or give as a gift to someone expecting a baby! Go check out Hot Belly Mama's Blog for details on how to win this wonderful All In One Cloth Diaper. Hot Belly Mama will announce the winner on March 30th, after her 30th birthday!

Here is the direct link to her blog:
http://hotbellymama.blogspot.com/
Good luck!

And the second is from Woman to Woman Childbirth Education

a copy of the book Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy: A Photographic Guide for Mom and Those Who Help Her, by Laura Keegan!
Trust me, you do want this book!
Here is a link:
womantowomancbe.wordpress.com

Our Homeschool Curriculum

2009-02-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

I am hoping to use this blog as an online scrapbook for the kids. Hoping that they will enjoy looking back and seeing and reading what they have learned through their homeschool experience. After a lot of research we have decided on our curriculum for the next year. Because Carter is an October birthday he is already 5 but according to church and state he is still considered preschool age. But the beauty of homeschooling is that we can pick our own curriculum according to what he is ready for. So we officially started "kindergarten" in January.
Here is our official curriculum:

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons-we love this book and he is already reading short sentences after just a few weeks!

Veritas Phonics Museum-we will move into this program once we finish the 100 Easy Lessons.

Saxon Math 1-They offer a great Kindergarten program, but after taking the online test, Carter tested in the first grade level.

Musikgarten-offered through co-op every Friday.

Letter of the Week-offered through co-op every Friday.

Spanish-We attend a great program at our library every Wednesday.

Biblical Teaching-We are currently memorizing the Lord's Prayer, 10 Commandments, The Beattitudes, Psalm 1. We are also reading the Usborne's Children's Bible and Big Truths for Little Kids.

Lapbooks (mini-scrapbooks)-Oceans and Continents, American History, The Arts, Patterns and Classifications, Plants, Seasons and Weather, The Human Body, The Environment

Physical-Other than being kids and getting a lot of outdoor time we will be starting Carter in Baseball this spring.

Lilah's Birth Story

2009-01-26T14:08:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken just moments after Lilah's birth.

My third birth story begins where my second birth ends. Our first two births were very similar. We followed the preferred standard of care for our local hospital including scheduled induction, artificial rupture of membranes, pitocin, epidural and episiotomy. Our first pregnancy was filled with many questions and concerns due to a blood clotting disorder that was diagnosed at 4 months. Because we were very focused on whether or not our son would be healthy there was very little planning for the delivery. And when our son was born without any problems we were focused on that blessing and forgot our birth. At the beginning of my second pregnancy I remember glancing at information on natural births and thinking that I would "try" that, but keep an epidural as a possibility. But after pre-term labor at 32 weeks that included magnesium, bed rest and terbutaline I was ready to have my baby and my OB suggested another induction. But as soon as my daughter was born I remember feeling heavy, empty and lost. As they placed her in my arms I looked around the room hoping that someone would take her away and save us both. Rather than feelings of joy and strength I felt defeated and unworthy as a mother. All of these emotions came back to me as I watched my birth video and looked at photos from that day. I became determined to experience something richer with any future births. This started a deeply spiritual journey for me that brought me closer to God, my husband and my children.

We had not even had a positive pregnancy test when I started researching natural childbirth and searching for a doula. After my search came up empty for doula's in my area I began looking at nearby areas. I luckily found Nicole Deelah, a doula and childbirth instructor who I contacted by email. She graciously responded even when I stated that I was not even pregnant yet. As soon as we had the positive test I contacted her again and we began the process of hiring her as our doula. Her blog was amazing and I soaked in each post, link and video. At this same time I began scanning the internet for information on natural birth. I found a program called hypnobabies and immediately knew it would be a great program for me. Becoming inwardly focused and relaxing has long been my way of coping with pain or stress. I ordered the program and started the home study course early in my pregnancy. I found it to be great for morning sickness and the discomforts of pregnancy. I also ordered Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and read it back to back several times. I started feeling stronger as a woman and it carried over to my abilities as a mother. Rather than allowing pregnancy to disable me I became stronger and stronger each day. I was determined that life in the Howell home would only become more grounded and stable as we prepared for another little one. While all of these tools were essential to me preparing for a natural birth the most important focus in my life was on my relationship with God, scripture and prayer. FAITH became my mantra as I worked through fears, insecurity and the unknown of a natural birth. I memorized scripture that would lift me up and set me free. I selected one verse that I used frequently during my pregnancy, before doctors appointments and throughout my labor:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

While I knew that I was prepared and capable of a natural birth I also knew that I would have challenges with our local hospital. The standard of care that they were comfortable with and encouraged was not part of my plan. As I talked to my OB about this he was encouraging, but not completely supportive in the beginning. I immediately began to pray for his support and cooperation. Nathan also attended my appointments with me and was strong and vocal when I felt weak. As my appointments went on we began to see a change and enthusiasm in my doctor. We wrote a birth plan which he signed willingly. We also took a private tour of the hospital letting them know our desires for birth. And we did one more thing that I believe made all of the difference in a successful natural birth, we prepared to stay home as long as possible before arriving at the hospital during my birthing time.

Attending the Wonderfully Made Childbirth class was the beginning of Nathan's connection with natural birth. Hearing and seeing the facts, physiology, and truth of birth opened his eyes to my previous birth experiences and desire for natural birth. We made the classes part of a long weekend vacation and connected both physically and emotionally. We also met Lindsay and Rachael who would be our new doulas as Nicole prepared to move out of state. We came home feeling prepared and settled in waiting for the time our daughter would be born.

At 35 weeks my OB checked me and I was already 3 cm dilated. I was luckily not having any contractions, which I contribute to drinking tons of fluids and being physically active in the beginning of my pregnancy. At 38 weeks I was 4 cm dilated and we thought that labor would be here anytime. I started having some regular contraction patterns every evening that would end as soon as I went to bed. We started getting closer and closer to my due date and wondered when our time would come. A day after my due date my doula, Lindsay, called with some great advice from Nicole. She thought that my baby was probably in the wrong position and suggested the knee to chest position to help her align correctly. I tried the position that night and started feeling some menstrual like cramps during the night, which did leave me wondering if this could be it. The next morning my OB checked me and I was 5 cm, bag of water bulging, anterior cervix (which had been posterior at previous appointment) and 90% effaced. His nurse suggested that I be admitted to the hospital stating that, "most women would be thrilled to head over and start an induction". Nathan responded that we would be going home. They did want us to do a stress test just to ensure that everything was okay and we agreed. After an hour on the monitor and only a couple sporadic contractions I was allowed to go home.

Nathan and I went to lunch before heading home and discussed our birth plan one more time. I also shared with him that I was having a hard time preparing mentally for going into labor. As my contractions had started each evening for the last couple of weeks I would nervously wish them away. I thought that if I could go home and focus on my birthing time things might progress. When we got home my mom took the kids upstairs to play and I finished packing my labor bag. Laundry, cleaning and a bath followed as slowly realized that labor might be here. I was having some contractions and a little bloody show that was either from the doctor checking my dilation or the real thing. Nathan decided to call Lindsay since my cervix was anterior and we had agreed that once that happened I was probably going to go quickly. That was 2:30 and he agreed to call her back in an hour. An hour later we were timing my contractions and they were anywhere from 7-10 minutes apart and lasting just under a minute. I had been checking my own cervix for a couple of weeks and when I checked it again I realized that things were happening. Nathan called Lindsay back and asked her to come when she was ready. My contractions continued and slowly reached 5 minutes apart. There were still doubts that this may not be it. I didn't want to trouble everyone and then things let up. The only regret I had later was that I didn't leave myself enough time to call my dear friend, Nichole who had attended my two previous births. At this time I decided to take a bath, but the water was cold from doing too much laundry so I decided I would take another one before we left for the hospital. At 5:00 Nathan and I laid on the bed. He spooned me in our favorite position and the pressure of him from head to toe felt great. He rubbed my back during contractions and we relaxed together in between. At this time my labor picked up quickly. Until this time my hypnobabies kept me completely relaxed. But at this point I focused more on my body than on the hypnobabies CD's. We moved to the couch where the heating pad was plugged in and discussed a plan for getting Elizabeth to my mom's. I asked him to get her out of bed right after a contraction let me kiss her and take her to mom's as quickly as possible (she only lived a mile away) and then get back before another contraction comes. He didn't make it back that quickly, but he only missed one contraction. When he got back home I started asking about Lindsay and heading to the hospital. I think that this made him a little nervous and he called to see where Lindsay and Rachael were. They were getting close and I wanted to wait until they got there to make a decision about the hospital. The next few contractions were different. They were very powerful and I felt overwhelmed. Nathan let me know that they had pulled in the driveway and with my next contraction I started to vocalize through the most intense moments of the contraction. When Lindsay and Rachael arrived they started timing my contractions and they were 2 minutes apart and lasting 1 1/2 minutes. I asked to take a hot bath (this was something I had been thinking about for months) before we left for the hospital. But they suggested that we go ahead and leave. I remembered that most people throw up during transition and I didn't want to do that at the hospital or on the way so I went to the bathroom to try. Nothing happened so I worked my way to the back door. The contractions were so close together and lasting so long that I could only go a short distance before stopping for another one. As I reached the car the most powerful contraction so far consumed my body and I started saying that I couldn't do it anymore. We left the house at 6:15. The 10-minute car ride, which included 5 contractions lasted forever! Nathan called my doctor and let him know we were on the way. I later realized that I was having increasing pressure and the urge to push, but it was something that my mind had protected me from since I needed to be at the hospital before I started pushing.

As we arrived at the hospital the plan was for Nathan to let Lindsay and I out and he was going to park the car. But because I knew that this baby was coming soon I wanted Nathan to go with me. When we entered the hospital Nathan and a greeter asked if I wanted a wheel chair. I didn't even answer them and headed towards the elevator. A nurse kept the door open for us and we headed up the second floor. We passed the extended family of a newborn as we entered labor and delivery and I still remember their faces as they looked at me in horror. I actually thought that I was staying calm but it must have been apparent that I was in active labor. We entered labor and delivery and the nurses asked if they could help us and Nathan said, "yes, my wife is in labor". You would have thought it was obvious to them. We entered the delivery room and the nurse asked me to take off my clothes and lay down on the bed to be monitored. I got my pants off and attempted to lay down on the bed. But the contractions were one on top of the other and she couldn't get the monitor on. She was very aggrivated and said that we had come for her to help us and we needed to let her do her job. I remember thinking that I have a more important job to complete! She checked me but didn't tell us how far along I was. She started asking me questions and Nathan attempted to answer them. At one point she came really close to my face and asked me a question. At that moment the voice on my Hynobabies CD had my attention and I turned her up as loud as possible. She left the room for a moment and Lindsay came in and asked how dilated I was and we told her we didn't know (but I remember thinking that I hope I am pretty far along). The nurse returned and started to give me an IV. I looked at her and told her that my doctor and I had decided that I didn't have to have one, especially if I was far along. She angrily threw my IV fluids against the monitor and stormed out. One of my major fears was how the nurses would respond when I arrived at the hospital and even though we encountered two angry nurses it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. Nathan asked another nurse who came in if we could have someone who was a little calmer and the nurse said that we had to realize how stressful it was for us to come in like this. I only mention this because it is so important to be fully prepared before you go into labor. If I had not been prepared for a natural birth I may have been pressured to appease the nurses rather than let them assist me.

I remember being thankful when my doctor arrived. He had a really great attitude and announced that I was 10 cm and ready to push. I immediately began to relax during my contractions and felt relieved. The nurse that delivered Carter (and a friend from high school) peeked in the room and I asked Nathan to see if she could be our nurse. It was shift change and she was getting ready to leave, but when our doctor asked her to come in she agreed. She came in the room and looked directly at me saying that I could do this. Lindsay was also encouraging me and it was amazing to have women there supporting me. At one point she reached out and grabbed my hand and the coolness and gentleness of her hand was very calming. Nathan continued to massage my back and always knew what I needed. Lindsay helped to get me in a good upright position for pushing. My doctor told me that I was doing great and asked if I wanted him to break my water. He said that if I didn't want to that she could be born in the bag and I remembered thinking that he was a pretty cool doc! Luckily my water broke with my first attempt at pushing. My doctor and nurse started their traditional counting to ten and I ignored them. I remembered that pushing in between contractions could prevent a tear so I focused on that. I felt her head moving down and Lindsay asked if I wanted to reach down and feel it. Reaching down and feeling her head was very empowering. I felt control for the first time since we arrived at the hospital and I think that the position I was in helped me to push more steadily. At 7:00 pm exactly Lilah FAITH Noelle was peacefully born into this world. We had discussed waiting to clamp the cord, but due to routine the clamp was put on and we all looked at each other for a minute. But they quickly took it off and I held her while it pulsed. After her cord was cut they weighed her quickly and she was a healthy 8 lbs 11 ounces (much bigger than my other two). I didn't have a single tear, which I credit to using evening primrose oil and doing perineum stretching during my pregnancy. She was brought to me and started nursing immediately. I was shocked at the intensity of the contractions while nursing and asked Nathan to continue to rub my back. This was honestly the first pain I had felt. I would describe my entire birthing time up to this point as powerful, but do not remember pain. At this moment I realized Rachael had not made it into the room and Lindsay went to get her. She had been told that only two people were allowed in the room. We were very discouraged that she had not been allowed in to share this experience with us. But both of my doulas were great and stayed with me for a long time after the birth. It was great to sit and talk about what I had just experienced with women who have experienced it themselves. We talked about our children, birthing times and basically the amazing joy of life. I can only hope that I will be able to share this experience with other women who are searching for the amazing blessing of natural childbirth.

Newborns in Need

2009-01-12T10:51:00.001-08:00

I have been praying for a long time about something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. And as God has answered my prayers I thought I would share with each of you.

If you have been reading my blog you know that I feel very strongly about life and particularly life before birth. My life experiences have created deep, powerful emotions that give me a heart for this mission. But recently I have started to evaluate my motives and love for others. Realizing that just because I have faced trials and tribulations that have drawn me to support life, there are many who have not had the same experiences. Good people, who have their own missions in life. To put it short, God didn't stand on street corners holding signs or put up billboards to state his cause. He helped people, often one at a time.

The first thing I did was evaluate how I was spending my time. As a mother of three who homeschool's my time has become very precious. So my time on boards debating abortion and the sanctity of life began to look like a waste of time. I was not going to change my mind and they were not going to change their's. My time on the regional right to life board was a blessing, but consisted of meetings and a lot of brain storming rather than tangible efforts to support women in need. As Nathan and I looked at our family goals we realized that we needed to spend our time in ministry physically helping others so that our children could not only participate but develop a heart for serving.

As an avid blog stalker I decided to make two changes to how I read and process the huge amount of information out there. The first is to read informative pro-life blogs with an open mind realizing that the facts and figures are important, but each woman and child is more than a fact or figure. And the second is to open my heart to women who feel differently than I do. Realizing that I feel very strongly, but so do others who believe differently than I do. One step I took in this area was to go back to a blog I had read by a woman who is a self-proclaimed pro-choicer who shared her story of abortion in a magazine and all over the web. Instead of reading her posts about being pro-choice I poured over her blog and focused on her many strengths as a woman. She recently shared her pregnancy and birth of a child with down's syndrome and I was amazed at the truth and grit to her posts. While her life experiences and belief's are not the same as mine we are more alike than I would have admitted in the past.

So on to my excitement of answered prayers. I had decided that I really wanted to be a part of something big that could help others in a very real way without strings attached. An act of kindness just for being a mom, for entering the blessingway of pregnancy and childbirth. I originally thought that I would have to start my own organization that would require a lot of legal and financial obligations that I do not have time for right now. But praise God!, because along came Newborns in Need. I was put into contact with a wonderful woman who has already started the process of starting a local chapter. There is a huge need locally (bigger than we thought) and we are ready for the challenge. God is Good! God is Good, Indeed!

Check out the website, Newborns in Need, to search for local chapters in your area.

ANNOUNCING LILAH

2008-12-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

LILAH FAITH NOELLE

DECEMBER 16TH

7:00 PM

8 LBS 11 OUNCES

21 INCHES

Nathan and I had an amazing, beautiful birth and I will be sharing my birth story soon.

A reminder to pluck our feathers...

2008-09-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

This wonderful blog post from Holy Experience really hit home for me today. As the time for our little one's arrival draws near I am reminded of the sacrifices of being the mother of a newborn. And this time will be different. I will be the mother of a newborn AND the mother of a homeschooled boy and toddler girl. While my recovering sleep deprived body recovers from plucked feathers I will need to pluck even more to care for my husband and older children the way they deserve to be cared for. I want my home to be made from the best of my body, mind and soul. Not the leftovers after I have given to everyone and everything else.

Not Your Mama's Cloth Diapers

2008-09-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have always been drawn to things of the past. Antique's, old books, shows on TV about history (especially the early 1900's). And so as I started to right this post about cloth diapering I started to wonder about this new surge in cloth diapering that is considered a "new" practice. Which in fact is a very old, traditional way of doing things. Cloth diapers have come a long way-even the past couple of years. The main reason we have choosen cloth diapering is to prevent the thousands of pounds of extra waste in our landfills from diapering three kids. But an added benefit is how cute they are.

And for the frugal shoppers out there you can even make money with cloth diapers. I buy low and sell high (as may of you know from my kids clothing purchases) so I have actually made money from cloth diapering.

Here is a short tutorial for anyone interested in getting started.

The first step is to decide what type of diaper you are wanting to use. I actually use a combination of a few differen types.

All in One's-these are the easiest most "disposeable like" diapers. They either velcro or snap on just like a sposie. You wash the entire diaper after each use and then re-use.

Pocket Diapers-these are very similar to all-in-one's except they have a pocket so you can stuff it at nap or bedtime for more absorbancy.

Fitted Diapers and Wraps-the fitted part of the diaper goes on similar to the all-in-one but requires a wrap or cover. The benefit is great absorbancy from the fitted and the wrap can be used over and over again without washing.

Pre-folds or flats-these are your grandma's diapers. There are dozens of different fold techniques and you use a pin or snappi to hold it on. These diapers require a wrap or cover also. They are also the most econimical.

Wool-this is a great option for the winter months. Wool is very absorbable and is used just like a wrap over a fitted diaper, prefold or flat. Watch out because it can become very addicting!

My Diaper Stash

Elizabeth is now potty trained so she is only using fitteds and wraps or pocket diapers at nighttime. But until recently we also used lots of flats with wraps just because they are so economical. And the wraps are so cute!!!

For the newborn joining our family soon I have already started to stock up on fitteds, wraps, flats and all-in-one's.

Where to get the deals

Diaper Swappers

Diaper Trader's

BabyCenter's Thursday Swap

Swaddlebee's Outlet

Washing Instructions

For newborns and pee only diapers I just rinse them in a cold water cycle. For older babies I will plop the poop (gross sorry) into the potty and then do a rince cycle. Then I wash the diapers with washing soda, a few sprays of simple green and a capful of bleach. This has always worked for me but there are lots of washing methods available on the net.

Storing between loads

Wetbags are a great way to store soiled diapers. Once the wetbag is filled you just put the entire thing including the bab into the washing machine.

Going out

I started out using sposies when we went places. But small wetbags make it very possible for you to store soiled diapers in your diaper bag until you get home. Just make sure that anyone who might be changing your child know's they are cloth diapered. I always use my easiest diapers when going to church or play dates to that no one has to "figure it out the hard way".

Other tips and advice

Prefold Photo Tutorial

Diapers from work at home mom's

Diapers by Etsy

It's a Girl!

2008-08-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if I officially announced on this blog that we are expecting again. We are so blessed and cannot wait for her to be here! Yes, it's a girl! Carter and Elizabeth are thrilled. Carter never asked for anything other than another sister. He has such a nurturing spirit and will be a great big brother to two little sisters. We are due in December and are getting prepared for the birth. Here are some great resources I have found during my pregnancy in case anyone is interested:
Hypnobabies
My Great Doula

Schooling at Home

2008-08-24T09:58:00.001-07:00

Nathan and I have been prayerfully considering homeschooling for a long time. To be honest, we were probably praying that God would not call us to homeschool. Fear of the unknown, years of hard work and our own inadequacies left us questioning whether or not this could really be God's plan for our family. We also knew that there would be a lot of questions and concerns from loving family and friends as we announced our decision. We have welcomed those questions and recognized them as normal concerns that occur when you do something unconditional or different from most of American society. We took our time to make this decision so we could fully research our options and pray for wisdom in this area.

At the moment we both agreed that this was our calling we received a great peace and sense of blessing. As we look back we realize that God has been steering us in this direction for a long time.

We are excited about education becoming such an important part of our family unit. We look forward to learning ourselves and know that teaching a child is the best way to learn. We know that it will be hard work, but we are so excited to take on this challenge. It's something that we are in complete agreement about and look forward to doing together.

There are many more reasons and I will share them soon. And I am sure that I will be sharing our up's and down's and all of the "life lessons" we learn along the way.

Here are some of my favorite homeschool resources.

Kentucky Home Education Association

Letter of the Week

Homeroom Teacher Supplies

Homeschool Tracker

StarFall

Songs for Teaching

We still have so many decisions to make and a lot of researching to do before we select homeschool curriculum's. But here are a few of the tools we will be using:

Weekly Library visits

Barren River Homeschool Co-Op-meets every Friday from 9-12

Teach your Child to Read in 100 Easy lessons

Saxon Math

The great thing about homeschooling is that we will be able to wait and see how the personalities and learning styles of our children steer us towards certain curriculum's. And we may use different approaches for each child.

Beautiful Story of Life

2008-03-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

This couple shares the amazing story of choosing life for their unborn son with Trisomy 18. He lived for 29 days.
http://www.jillstanek.com/archives/2008/03/both_dead_one_k.html

Who is getting one?

2008-03-02T20:37:00.001-08:00

Here are some websites that may help you get some insight into who is getting an abortion and what emotions and thoughts they are going through. I think you will be surprised that many abortions are not your stereotypical young girl with no money, job, et cetera. Many are women with careers, husbands and in many cases have already started a family.

Termination Board on BabyCenter This board is for women supporting women in their decision to abort. Most of these women have children and several even plan the baby they decide to abort. I will advise you not to post "hate" posts because the regular posters will use it to discredit the pro-lifer's. Their is a great Termination Alternative thread that we lead all of the posters to if you are interested in posting support.

How I became Pro-Life Here is a great post where a woman shares her story of going from pro-choice to pro-life. I love her point that many women are determined to be pro-choice rather than analyzing who is or is not human. Good Point!

Abortion Clinic Days A blog by abortionists celebrating the stories of real abortion stories.

A Weighty Issue

2008-02-27T11:38:00.000-08:00

A Thinner Past
I haven't always struggled with my weight, and that is what makes it so much harder now. Growing up I was always very active. My time was spent outside playing, swimming or dancing. Dance classe 3 days a week continued until I was 16 and got my driver's license. At that point I went on to get a job at a local farm and continued getting plenty of exercise (the kind you never have to schedule in or think about too much). I worked there until after college and went on to have a career in the landscape industry. Since I have become a stay at home mom I am busy, but not necessarily getting the cardio I need.

Changes
To top things off my mom is naturally thin. She has to put a lot of time and effort into keeping weight on. Many of my friends are this way. So while I have always eaten healthy I have never been around "dieting" so my eating habits are following me from behind-if you know what I mean. It has been an issue for me the past couple of years. Not because I want to be super thin, but because I want to be healthy and have energy. And fit into my clothes! I have implemented a regular exercise program, drinking water, and eating more fiber and protein. But I am still 10-20 pounds overweight. It's not something that I focus on too much, but that makes me wonder if I should be more concerned. I hear other people discussing their weight a lot or starting a diet (even though they already look great to me). And there are rare moments when I wonder if I should be going to extremes to lose more weight.

God's Intentions

But I honestly know that my body is healthy this way. And my husband loves a woman with a few extra curves! So that makes me wonder if there may be another reason why God has made my body like this. Of course to please my husband, but I also think there may be another reason. If I could lose weight more easily I probably would which leads me to believe that God has intervened for his own purposes. I have always been open to different groups of people. And other women have felt comfortable talking to me even if they are new to the setting at work, school or church. And the more I think about it I wonder if maybe my average size makes certain women more comfortable talking to me. Just something I have been thinking about. God uses the challenges in our lives for furthering his kingdom. So why not use my body!!

Family Driven Faith

2008-02-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

I am driven by books. Of course the word of God is the book that I try to guide my life by. But there are many other books that have made a direct impact on my life. I honestly believe that God has guided the authors to write words of great wisdom that would touch many. Previous books have been 40 Days of Purpose by Rick Warren, Heaven by Randy Alcorn, Serve God Save the Planet by Matthew Sleeth. These books came into my life in this order at very specific and God guided times. The first was when I was first married and expecting my first child. I needed to learn that it wasn't about me and there was a purpose in my life. I soon made the decision to become a stay at home mom. The second came after the death of a neighbors five year old child. I needed to re-evaluate the view I had of heaven and the fear I had of going there. It was going to be boring "sitting on a cloud playing a harp" like I had been taught as a child in Sunday School. And the last came as I was being nudged by God to evaluate the impact my family had on the world God had created.
And now as my husband and I have been evaluating the way our family spends our time and resources I have found Family Driven Faith by Voddie Bauchman. I must warn you that this book will change your life and the way you look at it. The other books I mentioned created minor changes that have definately made me a better person. But once you open up your eyes to the realities that Voddie brings to life in his book you can never turn back. I have skimmed through the book, but I am now going back and pouring over every word. I would like to share the words that have impacted me the most here on my blog.
Again, these are the ideas that God had already put on my heart but Voddie's words really make them sink in. I am probably missing some other important points, but these are the one's I have highlighted and are really studying:
"we are losing the vast majority of teens raised in evangelical homes by the time they finish their freshman year of college"
"our children are fallilng away because we are asking the church to do what God designed the family to accomplish"
"between 70-88% of Christian teens are leaving the church...the culture of secular humanism appears to have co-opted America's Christian teens"
"what if Christian parents are going through life believing that their teens are regenerate when in fact they are not...what if they are just going through the motions...nearly one half of church members may not be Christians"
"It is as though Christian parents in America have been lulled to sleep while the thief has come in to steal, kill and destroy our children right under our noses (see John 10:10)"
"Parents...look at the biblical mandate and compare it to societal norms, and there appears to be something missing. We beleive that somehow we are depriving our children of experiences that will make them more liked, more respected, more normal."
"We trade in the biblical standard for a cultural norm that hovers just below mediocrity...what we want for our kids is "what every other parent" wants for their children."

This is just the beginning, not even through chapter one. But let me tell you, I am excited and scared all at the same time. For the first time I realize that it's now or never with my children. I either step up and fulfill my calling or let someone else determine my children's fate.

CHOICES

2008-01-28T13:14:00.000-08:00

I have always found it interesting and even a little humerous that the pro-abortion advocates use the term CHOICE to describe the ability to kill the unborn.

I am actually a firm believer in CHOICE. In fact, I make choices all the time. What shoes to wear, what to make for lunch, which day of the week to go to the grocery. I honestly believe that God allows us to make decisions such as these on our own. Leaving it up to us to make the best decision for us at that moment. There are even choices I am at liberty to make that effect my family in a great way. I will be more likely to turn to God when making these decisions, but they are still my families CHOICES to make. To work or stay at home, homeschool or public school, take-out or home made. Some of these choices may be better than others. And the right choice may be different from one family to the next.

But then there are other CHOICES that we were never intended to make. Think about Eve in the Garden of Eden. She was allowed to make a lot of CHOICES similar to the one's I stated above. God gave her the knowledge she needed to make those decisions. And promised to walk along side her when she had a harder CHOICE to make. But there was one CHOICE she was not to make (to eat from the tree of life). That simple, but wrong CHOICE changed history forever.

That is really what abortion is. A CHOICE that changes history forever. A CHOICE we were never intended to make.

Like I said at the beginnig of this post, I am all for CHOICE. But I just don't think anyone should CHOOSE to kill their husband, parents, neighbor (even if they have reasonable cause). A parent should not CHOOSE to abuse their child just because they were once abused. An adult should not sell drugs or alcohol to a minor just because they need the money. I think that it is safe to say that we have very straightforward CHOICES that are not permitable. And my opinion is that abortion should be one of them.

Abortion Blog Comment

2008-01-27T18:24:00.001-08:00

I posted a comment on the abortionclinicdays site today. You can see it here if you are interested. I don't usually post on sites like that because it is inevitable that someone is going to respond with the same comments: I don't believe in God so that doesn't relate to me, I (or a friend, sister, or friend of a sister) had an abortion and I don't regret it, what about the health of the mother, what about the cases of rape, what about the college student, single mother of 5 children, I could go on and on. But in this case I decided to go ahead and respond. The original post was entitled Does God Know What's In Your Heart? So in my opinion the poster was inviting comments regarding God and others point of view was in regard to abortion. Jess at Making Home had commented and did an excellent job. In support of her post I commented on how we look at the "ideal" of abortion rather than the "reality" of abortion. If you are in search of what an abortion is really like visit www.abort73.com (warning: contains photos of real abortions)

Great Quote!

2008-01-27T13:49:00.000-08:00

I got this quote from the Making Home blog and thought I would share with you. It's a sermon from Voddie Baucham. It really got me thinking about the decisions I have already made for myself that effect my family. And also the decisions I could be making that would be better for my family. One I have really been thinking about lately is allowing my husband to be the leader of our home. To really be the leader, not just the financial planner, electrician and garbage man. It's something that I really struggle with since I was the "man" of the house growing up. But it's something that I honestly want to strive for. I want Carter to see his father lead and Elizabeth see me be led. How does this idea challenge you?

"When I get outta here, there could be a couple of ways that I go.
Way number one? I could leave here saying, “I got mine. I got it all. My philosophy was, ‘get all you can, can all you get.’ And I got it! I’m there! I came, I saw, I conquered! It was AWESOME!”
Here’s the other possibility: My wife and I invest our lives in a relationship that is an illustration of the relationship with Jesus Christ and His church, and do the best that we can to spend the rest of our days together, bringing glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ through the way that we love, respect, honor, and cherish one another. And then, at the end of our lives, when we breathe our last, we will have raised a mob of children who have been brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, so that when the adversary sees me breathe my last, he does not say “phew! Don’t have to worry about that one anymore!”
Uh-uh… when I breathe my last, the adversary will see a MOB of godly children crawling over mom and dad, moving the line forward, further than I ever could have in my own life, with my own limited resources. So that when it’s all said and done, it’s not about ME and what I experienced… it’s not about ME and how satisfied I was with what I accumulated and acquired, but it is about a godly heritage and godly legacy that has been left behind because we grasped and understood and walked in the design of this thing that we call marriage. THAT’s what I’m choosing.

2008-01-25T14:05:00.000-08:00

I thought that this story is so moving and also thought provoking. It's so hard to know what we would do in a similar situation. There are so many factors to consider. My mother made this hard choice but she did not have any other children to consider. I choose to give Carter life but I was given a 50% chance of survival (pretty good compared to this situation). What are your thoughts?

Mother Delays Cancer Treatments So Baby Can Live

Expectant mother Lorraine Allard learned the devastating news that she was in the advanced stages of liver cancer when she was four months pregnant, according to the Daily Mail.
Allard, of St. Olaves in the U.K., had a choice: Delay treatment to save her baby, or terminate the pregnancy to save herself.
She chose the former, waiting until the fetus was viable before scheduling a Caesarean section.
"If I am going to die, my baby is going to live," Allard told her husband, Martyn, according to the Mail.
The baby came a week early and Allard, 33, gave birth on Nov. 18 to a healthy but premature boy she named Liam.
Exactly two months later, Allard died. She'd begun chemotherapy just after her son's birth. But in the end, it was too late.
Doctors believe Allard had bowel cancer that had gone undetected for years, eventually spreading to her liver. She realized something was wrong after she began suffering from stomach cramps, and tests revealed that her liver was covered with malignant tumors, the Mail reported.
"The doctors said they couldn't do anything because she was pregnant," Martyn Allard, 34, told the Mail. "She told them straight away they were not going to get rid of it. She'd have lost the will to fight."
/**/

The courageous and selfless mother was able to get out of bed and hold her tiny son several times beside his incubator before her death. Liam is the Allards' fourth child and first boy; his sisters are Leah, 10; Amy, 8; and Courtney, 20 months.
"Lorraine was positive all the way through," Martyn Allard told the paper. "She had strength for both of us. I can't begin to describe how brave she was. Towards the end we knew things weren't going well, but she was overjoyed that she had given life to Liam."

Brokenness

2008-01-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

This earthly world we live in is full of brokenness. Broken promises, broken people, broken ways of living. The world was broken from the moment separated themselves from the perfect world God intended. Just as God told Cain that his brother's blood cried from the earth so do our brother's call from the earth. This very much relates to the unborn, but also all of humanity. As Martin Luther King said "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere". Realizing that our world and lives are broken is the first step in finding a way to pick up the pieces and move on. And come to the conclusion that there will be even more pieces in the future.

For years I questioned my broken world: sickness (my mothers and my own), divorce (my parents and my own). But I am slowly realizing that the enemy only has as much control over my brokeness as I allow. Following God's plan for my life will keep my paths straight. I may still encounter broken people and broken situations but I will go on.

A special thanks to our pastor, Adam, for the inspiration for this post.

Great Sites to Visit

2007-12-15T19:56:00.003-08:00

There have been some wonderful places on the web that I like to visit for some information, hope, and even a sense of the reality out there.
A great site with tons of facts and biblical truth is abort 73. This site doesn't water down the truth and you can view photos of real abortions along with tangible ways to make a difference.
Real Choice is a great blog with stories of true abortion horror stories. There is are many references to current data and news concerning abortion.
Be Not Afraid is a great site with stories of women who have made the right choice even though it isn't the easiest.
Real abortionists blog about their life at Abortion Clinic Days. This is a great tool to find specific ways to pray for those who carry out abortions every day.
Visit Shoved to Them for a Pro-Lifer's experience with RU-486.
Let Planned Parenthood tell you for theirselves why women should have abortions.
And you must visit Planned Parenthood's attempt to capture teen's attention at TeenWire. Read what they are telling our teens and I guarantee that you will be shocked!

Fear

2007-11-27T21:22:00.000-08:00

I spoke a little about fear in my last post but thought I would elaborate a little on some of the fears I had. When I first found out about my condition I was immediately fearful for my babies life and then my own. My husband was very concerned and it was hard to watch the fear on his face day after day. I was prescribed two heparin shots a day and to be honest I was a little afraid of giving myself shots. It really wasn't that bad (in fact it was kinda fun freaking out new nurses when they saw all of the bruises on my tummy-I would say "he kicks really hard"). I started to feel good about everything and then my body started fighting the heparin so we switched to lovanox ($1,700 for a 1 month supply). Less than a week later I was having a severe reaction again. Our only option at this point was for me to take coumadin. Coumadin causes fetal warafin syndrome-talk about fear!! I had to decide if I wanted to take rat poison to save my own life even if it effected my unborn son. I decided that my son would not live if I didn't so we choose the coumadin. But I did feel like I was taking poison every time I took a pill. The photos I found on the web of children with these birth defects were terrifying. There are fewer risks later in pregnancy but no guarantees. We would have to wait until he was born to see if there were any effects. I would like to say that my faith gave me a sense of peace that allowed me to wait with a restful spirit the rest of my pregnancy. But the truth is that the end of my pregnancy was surrounded by a lot of FEAR. Had I made the right decision? What would my little boy look like when he was born. The day I went into labor was a day filled with strong emotions. Happiness that I wold hold my little angel and fear of what his body would look like. I will never forget the moment he was born. I looked at his face, his arms, legs. He was perfect. There are some minor effects from the coumadin but no one has ever noticed. I think it just makes him more precious. A reminder of the way God answers prayers. My prayers. But I also believe that even if he had more serious effects I would look at him and think he was precious and a reminder of answered prayers!

Be Not Afraid

2007-11-27T21:11:00.000-08:00

I was asked to write my testimony for the Be Not Afraid site. The site is a wonderful blessing to those facing issues during pregnancy. Although I love the name of the site the first emotion that flooded back was fear! My testimony is filled with moments of happiness, prayer, peace, and yes FEAR. The fear of the unknown, fear of death, fear of making the wrong decision. But through faith I was able to keep my fear from taking control of my decisions, emotions and health. I truly hope my testimony will help others. Check it out at http://www.benotafraid.net/ and you can find it under stories Maternal Health/Complications "I Have Peace"

Real Choices

2007-11-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

After Elizabeth was born I decided to have an IUD inserted. We had discussed it during my pregnancy and felt like it was the best option for us. My doctors were concerned that my complications due to the blood clotting disorder and pre-term labor with Elizabeth could mean more serious complications in future births. I knew in my heart I wanted more but thought I could wait 5 years to decide. We even purchased one since our insurance wouldn't cover it. And since we are the some of the thriftiest people you will ever meet $5oo was a huge deal. But I had been having doubts (the kind of doubts that are so far back in your mind that don't even realize it at first) and hadn't shared them with Nathan. When I got home from the doctors office with our $500 receipt I didn't feel right.
Were we making the right decision, why didn't I want another baby, was I trusting God? And I realized that I was being personally convicted on this decision. I knew that society was telling me this was the right thing to do. After all we had two healthy kids-and a boy and a girl! Why would we want three? Why would we risk having another?
But after lots of prayer, spending time in the word and seeking Godly counsel I decided that I couldn't get the IUD. But now I had to talk to my husband! He is the most frugal person I know and I was mostly concerned with the fact that we had just spent $500 on an IUD I had researched and decided would be our best option. So first I prayed and then I went to my wonderful husband to explain my feelings. And guess what? Prayer works, because he agreed. He wasn't exactly thrilled but he said that he would respect my decision.
I had taken birth control in the past so I had a lot of choices ahead of me. I'll share my experience with choosing Natural Family Planning in a future post!

The Choice

2007-10-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

A pregnant woman found out that she had a critical illness. After days of test after test she is told that she will require some very dangerous treatment that would require her to have an abortion. She was informed that the life of her baby would probably end anyway and that she would have a much greater chance of recovery and survival without the additional stress of a pregnancy. She would have the rest of her life to have a successful pregnancy. Her family couldn't imagine living without her and encouraged her to choose the abortion. Having always been pro-life she just couldn't imagine making this decision. But her doctors insisted that abortion was the right choice. Her family insisted that God would forigive her under these circumstances. She would in fact be doing the best thing for everyone. It would be a hard decision but her friends and family would be here for during the hard times. She had an abortion. Her cervix was opened prematurely so that the suction could be inserted. The baby moved away from the instrument that would end it's life. The baby would only feel the pain for a brief moment as it's body was torn apart limb from limb...
This is what would have happened to me if my mother had made the CHOICE suggested by her doctors.

What if my mom had watched MTV?

2007-10-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about why I know so many people who hare pro choice, on the fence or think that in cases of rape or the health of the mother abortion is a solution. There was even a period of time while I was in college that I bought into popular idea "I would never do it, but it's not my job to tell others what they can't do". Thinking back I realize that the media, funded by planned parenthood, had greatly influenced me. MTV is famous for their pro choice propoganda such as protect choice, voters for choice, and of course choose or lose. I was not a regular viewer of MTV, but I did watch more than enough of it during college to think twice about the abortion issue. It leads me to wonder what would have happened if my mother had watched MTV. Would she have made the same decision if she had been constantly told it was a woman's choice, her right to kill so that she can have the life she wants for herself.

The Perfect Home

2007-10-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is what I looked like when doctors and family were discussing whether or not my life should continue. I sucked my thumb for a long time out of the womb so I would say that I was probably sucking my thumb then. My mother's body may have been attacking itself and full of IV's, breathing tubes and so on, but her womb was the perfect place for me. God had created the perfect place for me to sleep, play and grow. I was unaware that the rest of my mother's body was under attack, frail and unfamiliar. I am sure that there were many prayers for her miraculous healing. Extended friends and family were praying for my grandparents as they watched their little girl having her head shaved in preparations for an excruciating brain surgery, losing more and more weight and paralysis. While I floated in my 9 month home my earthly father supported my mother in her decision to continue my life while my heavenly father provided miracles. A mother's womb is such an amazing design by God. It really is the perfect home on earth.

Defending My Life

2007-10-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

I started this blog as an outlet for me to reflect and focus on the pro-life issue. It has become such an important part of my everyday life that I thought I could use this blog to communicate, connect and encourage others. As I sat down today to continue the story of my mothers choice to keep her baby I realized that my deep feelings about abortions come from within. I feel a very strong need to defend my life!! My mother had every reason to choose abortion. She was told that she would probably lose her life to aneurism, stroke or even starvation (she was unable to keep food down). The list actually goes on and on and I will share more of her medical records later. She was also told that her baby, wait a minute, she was also told that I would painfully suffer from lack of nutrition, mental retardation, deformity et cetera et cetera. There was no reason for her to keep my life. The doctors told her not to. Her family told her that her life was too important. There were many worse case scenarios given to my mom and the truth is that many of these happened. She had brain surgery,, she permanently lost vision in one eye, suffered paralysis and mental ability due to stroke, and later she became a single mother living on social security. So why didn’t she choose abortion! Because she believed that I was a human being who deserved to live as much as she did. Was she right? Did I deserve to live even though my mother suffered unimaginable mental and physical disabilities? At the time my mother thought that her condition was unrelated to the pregnancy. That keeping her pregnancy would not worsen her condition. But we now know that her pregnancy was directly related to the blood clot, stroke aneurism. She had a blood clotting disorder that my little body growing inside of her created. As I have sifted through the images of second trimester abortions I can’t help but feel connected to those little babies being torn apart in their mothers womb. I know that seems graphic and terrible to think about. But the truth is I feel the same about doctors and family members plotting the torture of tearing me from limb to limb as a fetus that I would if they were doing it now while I am an adult. Thanks for giving me the chance to defend my life!

What About The Health of the Mother

2007-10-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Many people that I have had the abortion conversation with say that they think that abortions for no real reason, meaning not ready yet, want to finish college, too young, not enough money et cetera et cetera are wrong in their eye's. But many of them say what about the cases where the mother's life is at risk. I definately agree that in cases where the mother requires emergency attention and the life of the child may be lost she should still be given the care she need's. But what about cases where doctors recommend abortions in CASE of an emergency or the health of the mother? I am blessed to be the daughter of a mother who is very pro-life. Even in the case of What About The Health of the Mother. Even in that case she choose life. And I am here to prove that doctors are wrong and that God deserves our faith, patience and trust in his will. My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor that required brain surgery when she was only a few months pregnant. Her doctors immediately DEMANDED (not merely sugessting) an abortion. To keep the pregnancy would mean brain surgery, increased chance of stroke, and reduced healing and chance of survival for both mother and child. My mother had every reason to have an abortion. Her parents and family all insisted that an abortion was not only the reasonable thing to do but would also be understandable. Thank God my mother realized that Life Is Good and continued my life. My father also supported her decision. My little body was allowed to continue to grow and here I am today using that body to spread the good news of God that LIFE IS GOOD! more of my story to come...

Image from http://www.sflifeandjustice.org/Abortion.html

{Life Is Good}

2007-10-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

I have had huge success getting ideas and word out on my floral design blog and thought that I would start a pro life blog as well. I will probably spend the first few posts explaining my story and why this issue means so much to me. I choose the blog title {Life Is Good} because I honesty believe all life is good. Not just the beautiful, smart, artisitc, healthy, athletic, tall, young, perfect with ten toes and ten fingers or even wanted by their mother or father. All LIFE IS GOOD!!! Even those who are deformed, mentally challenged, unhealthy, unwanted, or limited in time on earth. In fact, many of these lives end up blessing our lives!